Sleepless in Wisconsin IX

Oh boy, I really thought you had heard the last of my sleep-deprived ramblings but I was so very wrong.  You’re a little lucky, I waited 3 nights before I started writing about it again.

I guess I haven’t checked in with you after my sleep clinic…..I got my results back which said I didn’t have sleep apnea, thank you captain obvious, but they did let me know that I wake up almost 20 times an hour due to sudden movements.  Whatever that means.  To them it meant they prescribed me Trazodone, yup, a depression med that doubles as a sleep aid.  I’ve been taking that since I returned from Idaho, almost three weeks and I’ve been sleeping much better.

Some nights I’m super tired or I bartend late so I don’t take it and still sleep pretty well.  Now, when I say I’ve been sleeping well, I mean I get a good five hours of sleep, that makes me happy as a pig in poop.   I go in for a follow-up next week so I’m going to request they prescribe that by the truckload, we’ll worry about the side effects later or addictions late.  I think the list of side affects is the same for this as every other med out there, they just keep adding things to the list.

I did find out from my prescription drug guru, I’d tell you who that is but I’d have to kill you, that once you take this you have about an hour or so window to hit the sheets in order for it to work well.  If you happen to blow through that hour and get to the other side, it can have the opposite effect and keep you up for quite some time.  That seems to be where I am today, and where I was last night.  Idaho called a little late both nights so sleep has eluded me once again.

Tonight I got up and moved to the living room, obviously not looking for something good on TV because we already know how that goes.   I also decided I needed to have some nachos while I watch and write, why not make it a full-blown party while I watch people working out on infomercials.  Not sure how it is that I can stuff my face at 2:30 AM other than the fact I went to the dentist and didn’t really eat anything after the invasion of my molar.  I should be out walking every chance I get after what happened to me on Friday night.

Do you have that pair of jeans that’s so comfortable you just can’t get rid of them?  They’re several years old, on their third button, the bottoms are frayed and they’re so light blue they’re almost see-through?  That’s exactly what was going on with the pants I wore on Friday night.  I was sure I was going to get one more good wear out of them.  I did feel that the button may not make it through the night as the two threads holding it on were strained pretty good.  No button I can live with.  No butt or leg I cannot live with.

The pants made it through the bbq at my house and three bars, truly being troopers.  I was headed back to one of the previous bars to pick up someone we left behind and got into the car and felt the left butt cheek area give way.  I looked over at the guy sitting in the passenger seat and said “nothing good is going to come out of this”.   He looked at me as though I was crazy and then I said “I just ripped my pants”.  He laughed and said “oh I’m sure it’s not that bad”.  Wow was he wrong.

I got out of the car and pulled my t-shirt down over my butt, hoping to cover the damage.  He laughed hysterically when I showed him what was happening and then said, “it will be fine, we’ll be in and out and no one will notice”.  Well, he was partially right, at that place no one noticed.  As I got in and out of the car again I could feel the rip creeping its way down my leg.  Hindsight tells me I should have dropped him off and headed home to change my pants.

We got back to the rest of the group and all hell broke loose from there.  There was no covering the damage, not only was I freaking out but with every movement they ripped a little more.  Apparently once they were done, they were done.  At one point one of my friends decided to be a complete jackpot and grab my pocket and pull.  Needless to say that’s all that was needed to rip the pants down my entire left leg and through the bottom, leaving me with a right pants leg and my right butt cheek covered and nothing else.  The worst part of this story……..I wasn’t wearing underwear.

After some futile attempts to cover my bare ass, I turned to leave the bar with as much dignity as I could muster, which wasn’t much, and walked out the back door.   I got in the car to wait for everyone else to join me.  I then had to get out at my house with everyone still in the car laughing to go in and change.

I’m pretty sure when he grabbed my pocket he got more than he bargained for, no one deserved to see that…..well, maybe he did.  I’m sure the sight of my cottage cheese thighs and butt cheek are forever burned into his brain, that’s what he gets.  Lesson learned for me, don’t wear the pants out of the house that you think have ‘one more wear’ in them.

Oh boy, enough embarrassment for this evening and I think I finally yawned.  It’s 3:00 AM and I better try to get a few hours in before I get up for work.

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