Daily Prompt: Escape!

Describe your ultimate escape plan (and tell us what you’re escaping from).

What a perfect prompt for me today because I have a plan.   Here it is:

I bought a Powerball ticket on Monday and I’m going to win it.  It’s not a mega-huge jackpot but that’s why I’m going to win.  Life would be tragic if I won 348 million and I probably wouldn’t live through the month. I do think I could handle 20 million or so though.  Fewer people are buying tickets because the jackpot is lower which makes my odds good.  Done, in the bag, everyone else tap out, I’m winning!

Oddly enough I do have a backup plan.  Silly, I know but I figured I better put a Plan B in place on the off-chance the sales lady at the gas station gave me the wrong numbers.  I will hunt her down if they’re not the right ones but I get it, everyone makes mistakes, we’re only human, I guess.

My escape plan is this:

My best friend is having surgery on Friday and I’m going to take care of her for a few days, whether she likes it or not.  This is my first escape for a few days, her house, her family.  I’m excited to spend some time there as there will be lots of laughs.  I owe this woman my life so I am willing to do whatever is needed to take care of her.  I may have to draw the line at giving her a bath or wiping her rear end but we can work around that with a garden hose and a loofa sponge on a stick if need be.  Yes, I have thought this through.

While I’m there I will be submitting an ebook to be published.  That has been my focus for weeks and I’m so close I can feel it.  I’m scared to death that only 25 copies will sell but if I don’t stick my neck out how am I going to figure out who’s going to chop it off.

I’ve decided to get a job for the summer only for now.  I’d like to bartend at a seasonal place (resort, golf club, marina) and work as much as possible.  I’m willing to give up one summer so I can make as much money as I can.  I figure a pile of money and pure exhaustion at the end of the summer should propel me to the next phase of my plan.

If by some small miracle, one of the 25 buyers of my book is a publisher or editor, I will hopefully get noticed for a printed book, a second book or perhaps even a writer for a small nursing home newsletter in Florida.

Before winter hits us, I would like to be somewhere warm.  Preferably in the Caribbean.  Now, I realize I may have to purchase a small boat, row there myself, live on the beach and make clay pots (oh, that reminds me, I should take a pottery class) but I want to be there.  The ultimate escape to paradise.

Finally, I don’t think of it as escaping from anything, I think of it as moving toward something.  Ok, maybe escaping from the northland winters, that warrant for my arrest and that weird stalker guy but other than that, I’m not running, I’m really not.  In all seriousness, I feel this is about me, my time, my dream, my plan.

Hopefully everyone has an escape plan.  Even if it’s far-fetched and may never come true I think everyone should have dreams for an escape.

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Daily Prompt: The Odd Couple

Does a messy home (or office) make you anxious and cranky, or is cleaning something you just do before company comes over?

Today’s Daily Prompt question is interesting because for me there doesn’t seem to be a clear-cut answer.

When it comes to working out of the house I am anxious and cranky about a messy desk/office.  Everything has its place.  Unfortunately I have worked in places where it’s hard to find a place for everything because of space, location or lack of equipment/supplies.  I am completely ashamed to say that I have actually driven back to my office at night or gone in on a weekend just because I left a mess behind.  I have no idea if that makes me obsessive, a good employee or just plain stupid but I’ve done it.

As far as my house is concerned I would have to say I fall somewhere in the middle.  If I’m going to have people over and I have ample notice, I will be pretty anxious about making sure the house is clean.  I lived by myself for a few years so my obsessiveness about cleanliness in those years would ebb and flow.  For a few days I would be a slob.  Now, when I say slob I mean not doing the dishes, not putting my clothes away or not sweeping the floor.  I don’t mean leaving rotting food lying around or garbage everywhere.  I want to be sure to be specific here.

I also have to admit there have been times when company was coming that I did the “fake clean”.  You know what I’m talking about, I know you’ve done it too, don’t deny it.  Dirty dishes in the oven, clothes shoved in a closet or piles of stuff moved to a closet or drawer.  Yes, this is very deceiving because people think you have a clean house all the time but it’s better than them thinking the alternative in my mind.

Now that I have a roommate I’m a bit more obsessive at home, I may go a couple of days without doing dishes, vacuuming, etc. but I make sure to keep a pretty clean house so she doesn’t think I’m a slob.  I still throw my dirty clothes down the basement steps but I attempt to make them in a basket instead of leaving them on the floor at the bottom. I still may not put my clothes away but at least they’re in my closet in a basket instead of in the living room in a basket.  Shhhh, don’t tell anyone that my closet isn’t clean.

I also have to say that I am very obsessive about my house before I leave for a few days.  I don’t like coming home to a mess and God forbid something happened to me, I don’t want people coming over to find a mess!  They certainly don’t need to come in to find a science experiment in the fridge, a messy bathroom or a pile of dirty laundry.

I’m not going to be one of those people who say “oh, my house is clean all the time” or “no one cleans like I do” because that’s just not true.  I know a few of those people and I’ve discovered those who brag the most about being obsessively clean really aren’t that way.

Thinking about all this just prompted me to make a list for tomorrow.  Vacuum, laundry, kitchen and bathroom floors and clean sheet night.  Ohhh, looking forward to going to bed tomorrow night already!  Yes, it’s true, clean sheet night is really that exciting to me.

Daily Prompt: Trading Places

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a member of the opposite sex for a day? What do you think life would be like?

There is no right or wrong answer to this, it’s all about our own perspective so I’m not going to over think, I’ll list what comes to my mind first.

  • I’d shower to discover all my new and missing body parts.
  • I’d jump up and down after the shower to discover what that would be like without having to wear a sports bra.  It would also tell me what I’d be working with between my legs.
  • I would stand in front of the mirror to see how much body hair I was cursed with and where exactly it was.  Then I’d trim if need be.
  • I would get dressed, pull my pants up above my crack, not worry about makeup, put on a baseball hat and hit the road.
  • I would first drive around town in my car to see if I became a better driver or not.
  • I would go test drive a big huge truck just to see if it made me feel more masculine.
  • I would test drive a motorcycle to find out if it was instinct how to drive it and see how many women looked my way.
  • I would scratch and adjust myself as much as possible just to see if it’s really that necessary.
  • I would open doors for all the ladies I encounter and smile politely.
  • It would be a lie if I didn’t mention sex.  One would HAVE to know what that would be like.
  • I would do a few chores at home like mow the lawn, take out the garbage, clean the toilet, do the dishes, etc. to see if those things are really as bad as some men say.
  • I would figure out what types of women I’m attracted to.  I would attempt to find out why some men are attracted to the bat shit crazy ones and I would leave something behind to let them know to run away.
  • I would go to the power tool section of the store and see if I automatically knew how to use them all and exactly what they were used for.
  • I would buy something that needs to be assembled just so I could assemble it without reading the directions.
  • I would take a trip without a map or GPS just so I could not ask for directions to see how long it would take to figure it out on my own.
  • I would sit in solitude for a bit to see if I really was thinking about “nothing” or if that’s just what I would tell someone.
  • I’d pee outside just because I could.

I could probably think of several more points but I think that’s enough for now.  I certainly wouldn’t want to dip into any emotional, avoiding confrontation or love stuff.

Daily Prompt – Change

Today’s daily prompt is: What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?”

It’s probably self explanatory by the name of my blog but the changes I’d like my blog to make on the world are small changes within people that could make big changes on the world.

  • Don’t take life so seriously, find the things that make you smile, giggle or die laughing and surround yourself with them.  This could be a funny friend, a trip to Wal-Mart (you know, you’ve all seen funny there), a giggling child or situation that makes you smile.
  • Create funny yourself, we’re all funny in our own way, find yours, it’s there, you just have to look for it.  Sometimes your funny is just to laugh at others.  For the love of God, don’t force it if you’re not actually that funny, there’s nothing worse than awkward moments when you hope to be funny and no one else thinks so.  I’ve been there, I know.
  • Don’t take yourself so seriously, when you learn to laugh at yourself  you’ll find others funny.  I took a good fall the other day on the sidewalk in front of three friends.  The toe of my hooker boot caught a rock and my top half got moving WAY faster than my bottom half.  It didn’t take me long to be laying on the sidewalk, face down.  All I could do was yell “MAN DOWN” and laugh hysterically.
  • Look for laugh lines and smiles that reach someone’s eyes.  Those people are great to be around, their laugh makes you laugh harder.

By surrounding yourself with funny, you’re adding years to your life and hopefully someone else’s life too.  A good attitude, a great laugh, a funny joke or comment can make someone’s day, in turn they will spread the wealth, guaranteed.

Can you imagine a world where everyone smiled and laughed, even a few more times a day?  Our jobs would be better, our shopping trips would be better, our relationships would be better.  Try it, you’ll  like it.  Life without humor is just life, life with humor is living.