Sleepless in Wisconsin IX

Oh boy, I really thought you had heard the last of my sleep-deprived ramblings but I was so very wrong. You’re a little lucky, I waited 3 nights before I started writing about it again.

I guess I haven’t checked in with you after my sleep clinic…..I got my results back which said I didn’t have sleep apnea, thank you captain obvious, but they did let me know that I wake up almost 20 times an hour due to sudden movements. Whatever that means. To them it meant they prescribed me Trazodone, yup, a depression med that doubles as a sleep aid. I’ve been taking that since I returned from Idaho, almost three weeks and I’ve been sleeping much better.

Some nights I’m super tired or I bartend late so I don’t take it and still sleep pretty well. Now, when I say I’ve been sleeping well, I mean I get a good five hours of sleep, that makes me happy as a pig in poop. I go in for a follow-up next week so I’m going to request they prescribe that by the truckload, we’ll worry about the side effects later or addictions late. I think the list of side affects is the same for this as every other med out there, they just keep adding things to the list.

I did find out from my prescription drug guru, I’d tell you who that is but I’d have to kill you, that once you take this you have about an hour or so window to hit the sheets in order for it to work well. If you happen to blow through that hour and get to the other side, it can have the opposite effect and keep you up for quite some time. That seems to be where I am today, and where I was last night. Idaho called a little late both nights so sleep has eluded me once again.

Tonight I got up and moved to the living room, obviously not looking for something good on TV because we already know how that goes. I also decided I needed to have some nachos while I watch and write, why not make it a full-blown party while I watch people working out on infomercials. Not sure how it is that I can stuff my face at 2:30 AM other than the fact I went to the dentist and didn’t really eat anything after the invasion of my molar. I should be out walking every chance I get after what happened to me on Friday night.

Do you have that pair of jeans that’s so comfortable you just can’t get rid of them? They’re several years old, on their third button, the bottoms are frayed and they’re so light blue they’re almost see-through? That’s exactly what was going on with the pants I wore on Friday night. I was sure I was going to get one more good wear out of them. I did feel that the button may not make it through the night as the two threads holding it on were strained pretty good. No button I can live with. No butt or leg I cannot live with.

The pants made it through the bbq at my house and three bars, truly being troopers. I was headed back to one of the previous bars to pick up someone we left behind and got into the car and felt the left butt cheek area give way. I looked over at the guy sitting in the passenger seat and said “nothing good is going to come out of this”. He looked at me as though I was crazy and then I said “I just ripped my pants”. He laughed and said “oh I’m sure it’s not that bad”. Wow was he wrong.

I got out of the car and pulled my t-shirt down over my butt, hoping to cover the damage. He laughed hysterically when I showed him what was happening and then said, “it will be fine, we’ll be in and out and no one will notice”. Well, he was partially right, at that place no one noticed. As I got in and out of the car again I could feel the rip creeping its way down my leg. Hindsight tells me I should have dropped him off and headed home to change my pants.

We got back to the rest of the group and all hell broke loose from there. There was no covering the damage, not only was I freaking out but with every movement they ripped a little more. Apparently once they were done, they were done. At one point one of my friends decided to be a complete jackpot and grab my pocket and pull. Needless to say that’s all that was needed to rip the pants down my entire left leg and through the bottom, leaving me with a right pants leg and my right butt cheek covered and nothing else. The worst part of this story……..I wasn’t wearing underwear.

After some futile attempts to cover my bare ass, I turned to leave the bar with as much dignity as I could muster, which wasn’t much, and walked out the back door. I got in the car to wait for everyone else to join me. I then had to get out at my house with everyone still in the car laughing to go in and change.

I’m pretty sure when he grabbed my pocket he got more than he bargained for, no one deserved to see that…..well, maybe he did. I’m sure the sight of my cottage cheese thighs and butt cheek are forever burned into his brain, that’s what he gets. Lesson learned for me, don’t wear the pants out of the house that you think have ‘one more wear’ in them.

Oh boy, enough embarrassment for this evening and I think I finally yawned. It’s 3:00 AM and I better try to get a few hours in before I get up for work.

Botched Photo Opps

Today on my way home from lunch I had a photo opportunity and I didn’t get to take advantage of it. I was driving on the freeway and a car zoomed past me, clearly speeding. I did a double take as it was a not-new 4 door Olds Cutlass Supreme. That’s not really what was funny, it was the fact that he had a spoiler on it. No, not a normal spoiler that perhaps would come standard with a ride like that but a spoiler you would find on a sprint car possibly. It looked like the photo below, not kidding, it was still black too!!

I did attempt to take a picture but the guy caught me so I had to pretend I was texting. Which I shouldn’t be doing while driving either.

This weekend I also could have used my camera. I was standing in a bar and a woman came in and said “there’s too many cameras out there, I’m not looking my best today”. Now, I am one who likes to find something attractive about everyone but at this point of this particular day I could not wrap my head around what her best could possibly look like. Over half of one of her front teeth was black, not the bottom of it but the top of it. It was giving up on her from the roots down. She had a pair of stretch pants on from sometime in the 80’s, about 4 inches too short and a very faded black. She had also spilled bbq sauce down the entire front of her shirt. I’ll stop there, you get the idea. Wonder if anyone outside got a shot of her.

During pool tournaments this last weekend we had a potluck. Food galore! I was thankful I went before the group of people who were eating when they went through line. Not only eating but taking a fork, sticking it in a crock pot, eating what was on the fork and then putting it in the next crock pot. I would have loved to have a video of that. Mostly they were doing this because their plates were so overloaded they couldn’t fit anything else on them.

I think I need to get one of those pins with a camera in it so I can catch these things as they happen and share them with all of you. Keep your cameras handy!

Funny Blog Search III

Time to share what I’ve found under my blog searches category lately.

funny dog on heat pictures– I’m not sure what a ‘dog on heat’ is but it sounds like a dog on crack to me, hope they found the pictures they were looking for, doubt they found them here.
naked women put on lotion– This poor sap found my site, how sad for them, I’m pretty sure I didn’t provide what they were really looking for.
dryer bar all over my pillows – Well, this would suck if the dryer bar got stuck on someone’s pillow, I didn’t give any good advice for this issue, sorry.
monkeys – The fact my site comes up when someone searched for ‘monkeys’ is very sad, I think I once posted one picture of monkeys, hope they found it.
what are funny things that make you sleepless? – I’m so glad I’m not alone in this world wondering what makes me sleepless.
are talking to myself is a disease – This poor soul needs help in several areas it seems. Perhaps they should tell themselves to take some English classes or be more careful when typing in searches.

We’ll see what the next group of searches bring, I can’t wait to share them with you. Looking through them certainly makes my day and makes me feel okay about the things I search for online!

Movies

The summer movie list I re-posted last week made me think of something I made notes on years ago, I finally found that list. I love watching movies and I love taking home tidbits from those movies. Here’s the first list:

The Goonies – Always be nice to the big ugly guy, he’ll come through for you in the end.
Uncle Buck – Act like a lunatic if you want someone to be scared of you.
Great Outdoors – Never mess with a bald bear.
The Sandlot – Never swallow snuff your first time.
A League of Their Own – Go big or go home.
Men at Work – Leave the dead guy where you found him.
The Lion King – You should always have a motto.
Tommy Boy – Don’t put on your skinny friend’s clothes.

I’ll share more later. This is just a drop in the bucket.

Reviews

Who knew you could follow funny by reading hotel/resort reviews. I find the things some people write about hilarious. Here are some examples I remember when I was looking at reviews in March:

……I have stayed at this resort several times and each time has been below my expectations…..Really?? Ya think? I have an idea…STOP STAYING THERE! Do you think they magically changed since the last time you were there? If not, perhaps you should lower your expectations when you go there next time.

…the hotel was fabulous but they continually tried to sell us a timeshare, it was terrible, they called us every day…….Wow, I find that shocking and despicable, especially since you’re staying at a place that’s a timeshare and you probably got the room super cheap because you agreed to go to a timeshare presentation. What did you think they would do, forget to remind you to show up? That’s how they make money, it’s their job.

…….the toilet paper in our room was very rough and we had to go buy our own……Oh boy, you have nothing else to write about? You took time to actually type that? Seriously, the tp is all you’ve got? Not the food was bad or the service sucked? Personally, I’m more worried about things like Montezuma’s Revenge, bed bugs, murders, gangs, sharks, not the tp is scratchy and there’s a chance of a breakthrough. I’ll take my chances if the resort is stellar, tp isn’t going to help with my decision at all. Come on people, give me some information I can use.

As I’m writing I’m wondering if this would be good therapy on days when I’m feeling like everything is wrong. I could read a couple of bad reviews to resorts and think “it could be worse, I could be that person complaining about something insignificant.” I’ll try it, what can it hurt, at least I’ll have something to laugh about.