For a Minute I Was Dead

This shouldn’t be funny but to me it was hilarious, especially after the fact.

A few Saturdays ago, for a brief moment in time, a few people thought I had died.  Here’s how that happened……

One of my best friends, who I went to college with, called me on Saturday morning asking about people from college because someone had passed away.  Now, I should explain, I bartend on Friday nights until 3:00 AM so don’t get to sleep until sometime after 4:00 AM.  Needless to say I’m not exactly awake on Saturday mornings so when he started rattling off names of people we went to school with 25  years ago, nothing registered.  Normally I need 12 hours of sleep, food and a couple of adult beverages before I can start digging into the memory bank for 27 years ago.  I finally told him to copy me on the Facebook post so I could see names and faces.

Needless to say, I couldn’t get back to sleep so I got up to putz around and then sat down to figure out who this possible college classmate was.  I looked at the post and noticed he copied and pasted the original post.  The post read something like this:  His Name -> My Name.  Today we lost yet another wonderful person much too soon. We will miss her…….” and along with the text there was a photo of two girls from the 80’s, no names, no dates, nothing.  I called him to tell him I didn’t recognize anyone and did he know any maiden names, etc.  While the two of us were attempting to piece something together, my text message notification went off several times and so did his.

It didn’t take long for us to realize people thought he was talking about me.  The two girls could have been any teenager from the 80’s, including me.

As we were laughing about it my phone rang and I knew the person calling was making sure it wasn’t true.  I answered the phone and heard the panic and then the relief in her voice.  After reassuring her I was fine and making sure she was okay, I hung up to answer text messages, delete his post and do a post myself making sure everyone knew I was still around.

After all was said and done there’s a few things I learned:

  1. I’m humbled by the number of people who were truly concerned about my welfare.
  2. I’m upset at the people who DID NOT ask about my welfare.  Yes, I do realize they probably missed the post all together.
  3. Is it the correct thing to do to call or text someone who you think is dead?  What would have happened had I not answered for a few hours….because honestly the phone should have been on silent and I should have still been sleeping for at least a couple more hours.  I can’t imagine the panic while waiting for the ‘dead’ person to answer the phone.
  4. Social media is definitely our information source, right, wrong or otherwise.
  5. I need a plan in place for when I finally do leave this world….I better get a list of people to notify to the man friend so he can keep it in a safe place and call them before Facebook takes over.
  6. Be careful how you post things!!!!

I am not deceased, I am very much alive

 

 

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The Move

Oh boy has life been busy.  It’s been busy for everyone, I know.

New man (not so new anymore now), another job (not a new one, another one, up to four now), new adventures, pool season and just plain life being crazy.

This is our 5th month in the new place but it seems like yesterday we packed a car hauler full of crap, hoped for help, didn’t get any, and moved 15 miles south of town.  Back to country living for both of us.  Our joke is we rented a two car, insulated, heated garage and a three bedroom two bathroom house came with it.  Needless to say there’s way too much room for just us two but we’ve been getting creative with things.

  1. Our dining room table is now an extension of the mudroom/laundry room.  It’s very convenient to drop the unfolded laundry on the table when switching out loads, then it stays there, for days, wanting attention it doesn’t get until we dig through it for something to wear.  I’ve also noticed when we bring our clothes into the mudroom to sort and do laundry, there it sits for all to see as that’s where we come into the house, our front door is rarely used.  If someone does come to the door we don’t answer it because our friends and family know better.  Nothing against the Jehovah Witnesses but we’ve got that part of life handled, no muddying the waters there.
  2. We have more TVs than we need so we are now those people with two in the living room.  The first excuse was that NASCAR and football were on at the same time and now there is no excuse, he will play PS3 on one and we watch the other.  I can’t be bothered to argue, that’s one of those things that aren’t worth it.  In fact, I had a discussion with him the other day about a more permanent set up for the TVs.
  3. We each have our own bathroom.  I use the one in the master bedroom and he uses the other one.  He does shower in my bathroom but will take a bath in the other one, don’t ask, I have no clue since we have a garden tub in our bathroom.
  4. We’re turning our second living room into a bar.  Yup, jukebox, pool table and bar décor.  Why not?  All we do now is walk through it to go to bed.  Friends think we’re crazy at first but when they think about it for a few minutes they’re pretty excited.  Especially because we have two bedrooms for them to crash in if things get out of hand.

Outside of being creative with rooms we’ve set some ground rules.

  1. He prepares the dishes and loads the dishwasher.  I cannot be bothered to wash the dishes just to wash them.  He’s a complete fanatic about it so it’s his job.  I empty it and clean the rest of the kitchen.
  2. The garage is his.  Unless he needs help finding something, cleaning it or I need to do a piece of furniture.  But it’s his.  We’re going to stick with that.
  3. He dictates the lawn mowing and the frequency thereof.  We have two riding lawn mowers, not because we need two but because he THINKS we need two.  One is not working 100%.  I guess that’s what happens when you live with a mechanic.  The lawn was like a putting green, every time I came home he as on the lawnmower.  From August to November he mowed it two to three times a week.  Unnecessary in my book.  I do have to say it looks great though……don’t tell him I said that.
  4. He fixes the things I break.  Period.  I recently sucked up a wash cloth with the vacuum cleaner hose, he was not a happy man.  He looked cute all covered in dust though……don’t tell him I said that either.
  5. I freak myself out when I’m home alone.  Lots of windows, very minimal window coverings, no neighbors close and lots of new noises for me to get used to.  So I don’t spend much time there alone and he is very aware of that rule.

Life is still very funny, I just need to find time to write more.  I will attempt to make it a priority since it is good therapy for me.    Bottom line is things are good, I’m happy and very content.  We laugh a lot, I just don’t write it down as often as I used to.

Keep smiling!

The Eye Twitch

I’ve had an eye twitch since sometime in the summer of ’82.  Okay, I’m exaggerating, it’s been about two months but it feels like a lifetime.  I was going to start writing about it the second week and journal all the places my eye twitch came with me and what it did but that got out of hand very quickly.

There’s so many theories on why an eye twitch happens and a ton of them point to stress which would make sense since my life is one big stress ball, you know,sort of like a hair ball except I never get to cough it up. This is one of the most irritating things I’ve ever been through, imagine sitting in a meeting and suddenly your left eye starts twitching like the Energizer Bunny just got new batteries.  Then it looks like I’m having some sort of seizure and the other meeting attendees are looking at me scared.

I started doing research on eye twitches, the results were interesting:

Web MD:  They read me my last rights and wished me luck on my remaining days, as they do with everything else.  Why is it that the first possibility with them is the worst?  No matter what I look up it’s either that I have an incurable disease, I’m going to have to have a limb amputated or my family is going to be wiped out by famine.  I really try not to look at Web MD anymore.

Friends:  It’s stress, quit two of your jobs.  Yeah, can’t do that so let’s move on.

Vision Website:  They say there’s eight possible causes:

  • Stress – we’ve already covered that
  • Tiredness – yup, got that one covered too
  • Eye Strain – you mean sitting at a computer for hours a day? Ok, that’s covered.
  • Caffeine – oh sweet, back on Mountain Dew after years, got that covered
  • Alcohol – lack of or too much?  Got both of those covered, depending on the day
  • Dry eyes – perhaps sanding in a basement without eye protection, covered here
  • Nutritional imbalances – one square meal a day, that doesn’t cover it? ok, fine, got this one covered
  • Allergies – which ones? winter, spring, summer or fall? covered

After reading this site I’m surprised both of my eye lids on both eyes aren’t twitching 24/7.  It seems I’m just going to go on my merry way and be happy with several minutes of uncomfortable and embarrassing twitches each day and be thankful I’m not losing my eye, losing a limb, dying tomorrow or losing my family to famine.

I will take any suggestions for making it go away other than vastly changing my lifestyle.

The Newest Craze II

The newest craze has developed into Chubby Chicks Garage.  Reality TV as it sits does not hold a candle to what happens with us.  I would hope for a TV show but our language would have to be censored and people would think our antics were staged, which they wouldn’t be because you can’t make this stuff up.

A little background on the Chubby Chicks:

Me:  You all probably have a good idea of who I am from my stories so I will just add a few things that you may not know.  I am a list maker, I love crossing stuff off of a list, done, complete, yes!!  I am a perfectionist when it comes to projects, no drips, precise painting, the lines need to match up, etc.  I get caught up in the moment no matter what it is, buying, selling, story telling, laughing, you name it.  I have the patience of a saint when it comes to my partner in crime, always have, probably always will.  I think it’s because she severely lacks patience.  I’m starting to think I’m hard of hearing.  I am a smart alec and very very sarcastic.

Her:  She gets caught up in the moment, especially buying, selling and getting a good deal.  She has the ‘if it’s a good deal then I need to be the one that gets the good deal’ attitude, even if it’s something we probably can’t use.    She has a short temper and flies off the handle one second and is back to your friend the next.  It’s incredible to witness sometimes and sometimes it’s not so incredible when she flies off the handle at me.  She’s funny.  Her sense of humor matches mine and lots of times that can be dirty and raunchy.  We’ve both been bartenders for a long time, that definitely gets into your personality.  She mumbles and talks to me while she is walking away.  She does too many things at once so doesn’t listen well and the story is usually mixed up. She is ADD, she will start something, not finish it, move to the next, not finish it and move to the next.  This too is entertaining to watch.  I end up going behind her to finish stuff up.

With both of us having the trait of getting caught up in the moment you can imagine what our ‘to do’ pile is like.  We were short on dressers after our sale, we are no longer short on dressers…..at all.  Our pile of undone projects has taken over our entire work area.  With refurbishing and painting furniture you don’t have to be a perfectionist and my partner knows this. So the first coat of paint is sloppy, and that’s okay….with me…if she does it.  It’s not okay with me if I do it.  Because she mumbles, I say “what?” a lot and it irritates her. Sometimes I do it just to get under her skin. It’s my sick and twisted little way of getting back at her for something…or nothing I suppose.

We manage to get ourselves into situations that are hilarious….at least after the fact.  The other day we were bringing the skinny guy’s (her husband)  truck home.  His truck has a broken small side window that’s fixed with cardboard and duct tape (classy, yet effective).  We call it the McGyver truck because it needs a key made out of a popsicle stick and two pieces of wire, or something like that, in order to start.  I believe you also have to walk around it twice, jump up and down three times and say a small prayer before getting in to start it.  Once we dropped off the McGyver truck my partner in crime got in my car and put her head in her hands.  I immediately said “what did you do?”  She looked at me and said “drive, I can’t talk or I’ll cry”. So of course being the supportive friend I am I started driving and immediately started talking “who called, did someone die, did you pee your pants, I can’t help you if I don’t know what the problem is”.  She’s yelling at me in the passenger seat “shut up, don’t make me laugh, this isn’t funny?”  I said “well, it must be your laughing” to which she replied “I’m laughing because you’re an ass”.

After a bought of laughing and a couple of miles down the road she said “I locked ALL my keys in the truck”.  I laughed hysterically and said “why didn’t you take the duct tape off the broken window and grab them?”  She looked at me as if I had grown a third arm and her face turned red with embarrassment.  She looked at me and said “turn around and go back, shut up and don’t tell anyone about this”.  It took me about 15 minutes to stop giggling and her to stop laughing and crying.  It took me about 30 minutes to tell someone about it.

Here’s to many more adventures from Chubby Chicks Garage.

 

Black Friday

Black Friday came and went, one of the worst days of the year.  I’m not a fan of shopping anyway and then the gates are opened for all crazy shoppers to be even more craz.  Now, I’m not one to back down from a challenge but I would rather stick my tongue to a light pole in January in Minnesota than go shopping on Black Friday.

To me it’s like the county fair, a parade of the mutants.  Those people who only go out once a year, some of them probably haven’t seen the light of day since last year.  I have no idea where they come from but there are thousands of them.  Every year one of my friends tries to talk me into going.  No way.  Not on your life.  Been there, done that, barely survived.

It happened at Kohl’s, which I think was our second stop of the day.  I had already broken out into a rash and the cold sweats from the first stop but I was going to be a trooper and find the joy like so many others do.  I was with my best friend, shockingly enough, we’re still best friends.  We parted ways and I grabbed a cart because I was so confident that was the place where I would find all the deals.  Kohl’s would turn my attitude around about Black Friday shopping.  That was wishful thinking.

We parted ways, not by choice, the crowd swallowed us up and we were separated, no worries, this was going to be good.  I started filling my cart with a few goodies, clothing, candles, a pillow.  I started heading for the checkout when a lady snatched my pillow right out of my cart.  We made eye contact and the fight began, I yelled, she yelled back, I grabbed the pillow and hit her with it, she screamed….then I have no idea what happened and I was out by the car.

That’s where my friend found me.  I had not purchased any items and I was banned from the store like I ban someone from the bar who’s had too much to drink.  So we left and went home.  There was no way she was bringing me to another store.  Black Friday has been off-limits ever since.  I apparently cannot be trusted.

As I was listening to post Black Friday conversations this year I was glad I didn’t go.  Several people told stories of items getting ripped out of their carts.  I would have most likely needed bail money.

 

The Newest Craze

I’m not sure if anyone else is like this or if it’s just me and a few of my friends but it seems like there’s always some new hobby or addiction. Lately there’s definitely a new addiction for me and it’s something I didn’t expect.

Before I tell you what this new craze in my life is I should recap some things about me so you can understand why this is so unexpected.

  1. I despise shopping…………of any sort.
  2. I loathe going to garage sales. Why would I want someone else’s crap when I have too much of my own?
  3. I waste a majority of my patience on people so I have none left for myself.
  4. I am sleep deprived and that may be the understatement of the year. I think my nightly average over the last five years is about four hours.
  5. I start things and don’t finish them. I have a cross stitch project from 1984 in my sewing basket – I sure hope my brother Dan still isn’t waiting for that. I have about 100 half-written stories that started back in college and I have a gallon of paint for my basement that’s been unopened for two years.
  6. I’m not “creative’ in an arts and crafts way like my sister and my mom are.

Ok, now back to this new fad of mine…..

About four years ago my sister and I loaded up my Chevy Blazer with ‘stuff’ from my parent’s place.  A dresser, a church bench, a piano bench, a night stand, a couple of trunks, some crates.  You name it, I took it, loaded it into the Blazer and away we went….to bring her to the airport, that’s right, she got to go home to New York and I got to bring the stuff home with me to ‘redo’.  I forgot to mention the green church bench was bungied to the top of the Blazer.  Oh yeah, we were hot, laughed the whole way.  I got it all home and the stuff I didn’t immediately use went into my basement with a pile of other projects.

Fast forward two years and the flood happened.  3.5 feet of brown water from the sewer systems of Superior, Wisconsin.  The piano bench didn’t survive, a table didn’t make it, the church bench was on its way to the dumpster when the neighbor salvaged it and the dresser was already next to the dumpster when one of my girlfriends said “oh, you’re not throwing that away”.  I said “listen, the back is ruined, the bottoms of the drawers are ruined and it’s soaking wet”.   She said “you’ve put too much work into it to let it go, we can replace the back and drawer bottoms”.

Fast forward two more years.  The same girlfriend had been talking about all these refurbishing projects she’s been doing.  I mentioned that I really should get that dresser done but I had to throw away all my stuff including the sander, etc. because of the flooding.  She said “bring it over, we’ll do it here”.

And that my friends started my latest craze.  I have now started refurbishing stuff.  I find the solitude and concentration on one single thing until completion peaceful and I love seeing a project from start to finish; however, the longer the project takes the shorter my patience gets and I want to move on to something else.   That’s not good because she’s very ADD and has 10 to 12 things going at once.  I do my best to be the voice of reason.  For those of you who know me, ‘voice of reason’ is not on my resume.

Here’s my first finished project.  This started out as a very homely blue dresser.

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Reality TV has nothing on what goes on when we’re working on our projects.  There’s yelling, there’s swearing, there’s paint and stain everywhere, there’s hysterical laughter and all of this is happening in a single car garage and we’re attempting not to disturb her husband’s motorcycle.   There’s now garage saling and flea market stopping. Craigslist browsing and wheeling and dealing before we’re done.  I have become my parents.  I have completely become my parents.  And it scares the crap out of me because I don’t have three sheds and a garage to fill with things.    My goal is to buy, redo, sell.  Quick and painless.  Ha ha, if we get to that point, it will be a miracle.

Just this last Saturday we took my car on our little mission because ‘we find the good deals when we have the car’ and come home empty when we take her truck.  Well, we not only took her brother with, we found the deals.  By the time we got home we had the trunk bungied shut and both passengers had items in their lap.  This is what she looked like in the back seat.

 

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The stuff we found for three and four dollars was incredible.  The hardest part of the day was hiding it in the single garage so her husband doesn’t notice.  I know that  he’s not that naive, he knows exactly what goes on, he just turns the other cheek.  Plus, I think he secretly likes it because he’s always willing to help when we’re in need of a man’s opinion or help.

That was not the first time it happened like that with my car.  Last time we took my car we had to call her daughter to bring the truck because we found the mother lode of all sales.  Needless to say we filled the car and the truck.  That day my passenger had a bar stool on her lap hanging out the window .  I didn’t think about taking a picture that day though, we were laughing too hard and bribing her son to let us use his shed to store stuff.  There’s something wrong with us and we have no trouble telling each other that every day.

We’ve been trying to think of a name for our little venture and her husband always says “don’t forget about the skinny guy”.   Perhaps someone will put us in our own TV show.  No unlimited budget, no nice clothes, just real life, maybe slightly censored when things get really bad.

Here’s my second project that I did and I needed the skinny guy’s help on.

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There’s some sort of story every day we work together.  Something breaks, spills, gets lost  or gets ruined.  One or both of us have paint on our face, has had a tantrum or is sunburned.  There is usually uncontrollable laughter or an all out brawl  but at the end of it all we’re still friends and we get something accomplished.  Even if it’s only to move stuff around so we look organized.

The Sauna

Why is it so hard for people to understand the concept of a sauna? That’s sow-na for you non-Finlanders. Say it with me……SOW NA. That’s it, one more time….SOW NA. For the record, Webster was not a Finlander. Okay, now that we’ve got that straight.

I’ve been dealing with the questions, the looks, the snubbed noses and the non-understanding of the sauna most of my life. I grew up in a town where probably 75% of the people had a sauna or at least access to one on a regular basis so there shouldn’t have been questions or concerns but there was. So here it is, my thoughts on the glorious sauna.

The sauna is a cure all. Pretty much no matter what ails you, the sauna will cure it. Sunburn, yep, sure does. Runny nose, yep, sure does. Headache, yep, sure does. Sleeplessness, yep, sure does. Crabbiness, yep, sure does. I’m not sure about constipation or diarrhea, I’ve never actually tested out either theory, that’s one you can test on your own if you want.

The sauna at the gym is not a real sauna. You can’t throw water on the rocks. It’s a steam room and it’s a decent alternative if you don’t have a real sauna available. The sauna at the gym should not be taken naked, not once, not ever.

A ‘real’ sauna should be taken naked. Yes, I said naked. Naked as the day you were born. Naked as a jaybird. However you want to look at it, it’s NAKED. It’s a bath. It’s sacred. It’s life altering. It’s relaxing. Be naked.

Don’t ask me about public saunas. I have no idea what goes on in there and if you do know what goes on, that isn’t going on in all saunas.

After you are done throwing water on the rocks and sweating all the toxins out of your body, you bathe. Either under a shower or from a pan that you’ve scooped clean cold and hot water into to use as bath water. You wash up while your pores are open, head out to the bench, chair, couch and relax for several more minutes. Sometimes you even fall asleep because you feel so good. Uber clean.

There are times you go to someone else’s house to take a sauna. That’s okay, it’s perfectly acceptable. Yes, that’s like going to the neighbors to take a bath but it’s okay, you may not have wanted to start your sauna that day or you just plain didn’t have one at home. Growing up, we tended to go elsewhere for sauna in the winter, since our sauna was in a building of its own and it wasn’t electric.

Sauna can be a social thing. More so with the men in my family, two or more people will sauna together. I remember the first time an ex of mine was invited to sauna with the boys. He looked at me as if the Deliverance theme song started to play in his head. I explained to him he could say no and it wasn’t some sort of initiation into the family. I also explained it’s just what they do, there’s no judging, no weirdness, just conversation and sometimes a beer.

Yes, there were times when we would sauna as a group, with bathing suits on, and jump in a snow bank or a cold lake after we had poured lots of water on the rocks. Not so great for the old ticker but we were young. I’ve even done that when I wasn’t so young I guess. Keeps your blood flowing or something like that.

Saunaing as a couple is allowed and encouraged. It’s a nice relaxing time to spend together, talk or don’t talk, whichever floats your boat. However, extracurricular activities are not encouraged unless both parties are very accustomed to the sauna. Overexertion can easily lead to heart palpitations, shortness of breath or dizziness. I do not have the official Finnish doctor’s word on this one but I’ve heard stories.

Fibbing to ‘sauna rookies’ is encouraged. For those of us veterans, it is a must to ‘mess’ with the rookies. We tell them that if you pour cold water on the rocks the steam will be cooler. Tell them this as often as it takes for them to finally get it.

You will experience things you will never encounter in your bathtub or shower. Such as: scalding hot shampoo/conditioner (always leave it on the lower bench), soap that is literally melted to the bench, again, leave it in the dish on a lower bench, same goes for razors and any other paraphernalia you may have in there. It’s hot. Just to remind you, it’s hot! Say it with me, IT’S HOT!

Antics are not always encouraged but happen nonetheless. My sister used to make me sit on the floor. The floor of a sauna is not hot, it’s actually fairly cool and rather creepy. It was my punishment for her having to take care of me I think. A friend told me that they used to put the hot metal ladle (you know, to scoop the water onto the rocks) on another’s bare butt cheek, ummm, ouch. That didn’t happen at my house thank goodness. Plugging the chimney while siblings or friends were in there to turn the sauna into a ‘smoker’ was another of my friend’s antics. We didn’t do that one either.

A sauna is a way of life, a culture, a special occasion, almost a religion in some households. We crave a sauna like a fat kid craves Twinkies. Don’t judge, embrace. Don’t assume, ask. Don’t knock it, try it.

Winter is Still Here

It’s April 28th and winter is still here.  There’s definitely some kinky stuff going on over at Old Man Winter’s RV.  I was on my way to have a little chat with him and Mother Nature but he was running around the yard in leather chaps and Mother Nature was running after him with a whip and what looked like a can of motor oil.  I turned around and went home.  It seems they’re never going to move along.  Who would have thought their choice of a permanent home was Wisconsin?  They’re livin’ on beer, cheese and love and we can’t do anything about it.

We’ve had two days of rain, snow, rain, sleet, rain and ice.  I worked yesterday and spent the night where I had been working because there was no sense in taking my life in my hands by going out on the sheet of ice they call roads around here.  All day today we listened to the 40 to 60 mph winds and rain hit the window.  Would have been a great day to snuggle on the couch, do nothing, watch a few movies and eat until we couldn’t move but work had to happen and life goes on even if the weather stinks.

As I look at not only my own Facebook posts but the posts of others I realize we’re all doing a lot of sulking and complaining about the weather.  The worst thing is we can’t do anything about it!!  I’ve decided I’m going to try to concentrate on things I can do something about and stop being negative about the weather because that carries over into other things.  So here’s my plan for the next week, the next month, the next three months……because it is going to be a chilly summer here in the Northland.

  1. I’m going to rock this chair tonight and watch The Voice like nobody’s business and I’m going to be happy about it.  Then I’m going to watch Revenge from last night.
  2. I’m going to cook.  When it’s nice outside I don’t feel like cooking or I grill everything so I’m going to use the oven.  Tonight I made stuffed chicken breasts and baby red potatoes.  I think enchiladas are on the docket for one night this week as well.  Along with cooking the things I’m comfortable with I’m going to try new things.
  3. I’m going to take this chance at not being able to go outside to get some work done for not only my day job but for Following Funny as well.  I have a ‘to do’ list a mile long for both and I really could use to get as caught up as possible.
  4. I’m going to keep my house in order.  Get the basement organized and painted and get rid of some things that are cluttering the place up.  I don’t want another critter to make its way to my basement to cause me issues.
  5. I’m going to organize my notebooks of stories, chicken scratches, notes and funny findings and decide exactly what to do with them.  I have all this funny stuff hidden everywhere, including my head and no plan on what to do with it.  Watch out.
  6. I’m going to travel south to warmer weather.  By south I mean anywhere from 15 to 500 miles south.  When it’s cold here, it’s warmer within about 15 minutes so my goal is to go find the warmth of the sun.   My friends who live south of me just panicked as they realized I may be visiting more than usual this summer.  Haha, get your guest rooms ready!

In other words, I’m going to stop bitching, get my shit together and make the most of something I have no control over.

 

How to Find the Cute Single Guys

After years and years of research I have finally figured out one of the most perplexing questions for single women.  Where to find the nice looking, single guy who’s the right age and who has potential to be long-term.

As most of you know from past stories I can meet people anywhere, including sitting next to him on a plane.  Although that only lasted a couple of years it was a great experience and he’s a good guy, that relationship taught me a lot about myself.

The real answer to the question Where do you meet a hot eligible man, is actually ANYWHERE.  My answer to that question is a little different these days.

I think the answer is this:  You can find a cute eligible man by leaving the house when you look like hell, don’t feel good and don’t much care.  I believe I have probably missed out on a few good men because every time I go out of the house when I really shouldn’t I see lots of potential.

It’s almost like there’s a Batman symbol out there when a single woman leaves the house looking like she’s been drug through the mud and this symbol tells the eligible guys to go to Walgreen’s, Wal-Mart, Target or wherever it is she’s headed.

It happened to me today.  Pneumonia is visiting me again and I am currently the poster child for a “Go to the Doctor” public service announcement.  I did not go to work today, I worked at home.  I did not get out of my pajamas today, I couldn’t be bothered.  I didn’t put my contacts in because it seemed to be too much work.  I did take a shower at one point though thinking it would make me feel better……it didn’t.

Anyway, around 6:30 I decided if I was going to make it through The Voice and get some sleep for tomorrow’s 8:30 AM meeting I needed to pick up some cough drops and something to knock me out.  The task was daunting and I couldn’t be bothered.  I left the house in my pajama top, sans bra, capri yoga pants with holes in the rear seam, running shoes with no socks, glasses and a zip up fleece.  It was bad, very bad.

When I arrived at Walgreen’s there they were, they had followed the Bat Signal and there they were.  One held the door for me.  For no other reason then he felt sorry for me I’m sure and wanted to get a closer look at this complete mess on two feet.  The rest of them were inside milling around, pretending to shop.   Needless to say they all scattered and retreated once they got a good look at me.  Another opportunity missed probably.

The best part was I ran into a friend and his question to me was “Rough weekend?”  I said “Pneumonia” and skeedaddled as fast as possible.  I doubt he believed me.  He also probably called his wife on the way home and said “Have you heard from Peg lately, we should probably check on her, I think she’s having issues.”

I should really start to care or I’m going to be the crazy cat lady that lives at the end of the block.  The kids will be double dog daring each other to go trick or treating at my house.  And I don’t even like cats!!

Here’s to finding the hot guys when all you are is a hot mess.

Door Ajar

One of the smartest things I’ve ever done in my life is surround myself with funny people.  Although I’m usually reminded of it daily, sometimes I’m REALLY reminded of it.  This morning was one of those times.

On my way to work I got a phone call from a college friend, we’ll call him Todd.  Panic crept through me…he never calls in the morning, something must be wrong…..well, nothing was wrong…..in fact, everything was right.

Me:  “Hello”.

Todd:  “I had to call someone and you’re it”, followed by uncontrollable laughter.

I immediately started to giggle.  Not only because his laugh is contagious but because if he’s laughing that hard it had to be good.  I will do my best to relay the story.

Todd took the day off from work today to take care of a bunch of things, oil change, dentist, etc.  You know, the things that are almost impossible to get done after our own work hours.  The first thing on his list was an oil change and check up for his truck at the local garage.

He waited patiently for about 30 minutes while the mechanic did his thing.  The mechanic finally came in and asked if the Check Engine light had been causing problems.  According to Todd the light hadn’t been on and he hadn’t been experiencing any trouble with it.  The mechanic nodded and walked back in the garage.  After a few minutes Todd thought he’d check on the situation so went to see what was happening.

The mechanic was looking at his diagnostic and said “Well, I got the Check Engine light figured out, now the Door Ajar light won’t go off.”  At this point of the story Todd said “Peg, I immediately looked at the mechanic, then over to the open door of the truck, then back at the mechanic and my eyes started tearing up from holding back my laughter.  I’m no genius but I would think the Door Ajar light was on because the door was actually ajar.”   Those two sentences of his story took a few minutes because we were both laughing and he was telling me in detail how he didn’t want to insult the mechanic by outright laughing at him and how hard it was to hold it all together.

Todd said he  kept it together the best he could for about five minutes while the mechanic hemmed and hawed while attempting to fix the Door Ajar light.  Todd said he kept looking at the mechanic and the open door of the truck wondering if he was the one that was missing something.  Finally he couldn’t take it anymore and said to the mechanic “Perhaps the light is on because the door is open”.  At this point the mechanic looked at Todd, looked at the door, got in the truck and shut the door.  The mechanic sat in the truck for a few minutes, got out and said the truck was finished.

Apparently the mechanic never said anything about the “mishap” and sent Todd on his way.  Through tears and giggles he told me that when he got to the garage the mechanic was playing solitaire on his computer after he said he could “squeeze him in” for an appointment on the phone yesterday.  We both howled and cried.  Todd thought he should have been given a discount because he actually fixed the Door Ajar light of the blunder but no such luck.  It was the best phone call I’ve had in a long time.

I got the privilege of telling the story to coworkers shortly after the phone call which helped get everyone’s day jump started.

Todd ended our conversation by saying he couldn’t post it on Facebook because it’s a small town but that I needed to write a story about it.  I felt obligated to follow his wishes.  Here’s to mistakes similar to that we all make and those who get entertainment out of them.