Nervous Nelly

I’m not a nervous person…..well….maybe I should say I’ve never been a nervous person in the past.  It seems that times are changing though.  This last week has proven to me that certain situations cause me to be a basket case.  And I don’t like it, not one bit.

Give me a microphone and a room full of people and I’m fine,  put me in a room with just about anyone for a job interview and I’m fine or put me behind a bar with people three deep waiting for drinks and I’m fine (I’m sweating but fine).

Ask me to write a book and put it for sale on all the major bookseller websites and I’m completely beside myself.  I have no idea what has come over me but it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

It’s been just over a week since I approved the book to be distributed and exactly one week since it hit Amazon and iBookstore.  I felt the first twitches of something when I hit the ‘approve’ button.  I thought that may have just been something I ate but it continually got worse over the next two days.  Then Friday afternoon hit and I received a text message from a friend that said she found it on the iBookstore.  I crumbled.  I happened to be helping out at the bar and I really thought I was going to faint.

There I was, helping customers and not knowing whether I needed to pull up the sink and throw up or run to the bathroom.  It’s been a roller coaster ever since.  There have been headaches, chest pains, stomach issues and plain old loss of thought process.  I would imagine some of this I could blame on age but I know it’s nerves and anxiety.  A strange new world for me.

I was nervous once when I had to be on camera for a webinar and my stomach was doing flips and somersaults.  I figured it was because I couldn’t see my audience but they could see me, plus the camera adds ten to fifteen pounds and who needs an extra ten pounds?  NOT ME!

I still haven’t quite figured out why this would make me so nervous but for now I’m going with the excuse that it’s the fear of failure……I’m pretty sure that’s not it though.  Oh, I may fail alright but that comes with so many things we do in life.  Perhaps I should write to Dr. Phil to see if he can fix me…………better not do that, who knows what that guy will find going on with me, I’m pretty content with my own version of crazy.

I’m optimistic this nerves thing will take care of itself soon because I can’t take it. I’m also pretty sure those close to me aren’t going to be able to take it much longer either.  My close friends have to be tired of text messages and phone calls about this.  I can almost see them rolling their eyes and thinking “she has to get over this already”.  Idaho told me last week he thought it was cute that I was nervous.  I bet he doesn’t think that any longer.

I’m taking the weekend to step away and spend some time with family and friends.  Maybe I’ll get a grip.


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