Crab Legs

Tonight I went with friends to a seafood buffet.  The big item…..crab legs.  Oh, they were sooooo good!!  I’m still stuffed to the gills and it was hours ago.

There were four of us at the table and as I was watching what was happening and how I must have looked diving into those crab legs I thought what a spectacle we all were.  There was food flying, legs cracking and butter dripping.  It was marvelous as an eater but I bet as an observer it resembled a bunch of lions devouring an antelope. Grunts and groans, ohhs and ahhs and food EVERYWHERE.

It’s so funny to watch the elation on the faces of people when they crack the leg just perfect and get that sliver of meat out.  It’s then held up like a trophy for the whole table to see.  “Ohhhh look at this one!”  Then everyone else says “Nice!”  It’s the only food I can think of that we do this with.  It’s also the only food I can think of that we work our ass off for a piece of meat the size of a toothpick and we’re happy as hell about it.

I feel like someone who doesn’t know how to use silverware when I eat crab legs.  I crack them with my hands, dig the meat out with my fingers and sometimes even eat the big pieces with my hands.  I realized I’m not civilized at all!  I also realized crab legs is not an item you want to have on the first few dates, you have to know someone pretty well to eat like that in front of them.

When I pushed my first plate away, yes I said the first plate, I noticed there was more food on the table then should have been possible.  Then I looked down at my shirt and I had a shelf full of some white sauce from the scallops, a drop of tarter sauce, a chunk of pasta and enough crab meat to fill a claw.  What the??  Did I not get anything in my mouth?  Was I shoveling so fast that I wasn’t even breathing?  How embarrassing.  I tried to be discreet (yeah right) and pick it all off before going back to the trough for a second plate.

As I was filling my second plate I was lecturing myself in my head to slow down while eating.  I was a little bummed I lost so much crab meat the first time, it’s a lot of work to get a little bit of meat, it needs to be savored and rationed.  The second plate was as good as the first and I had to ask for wet wipes.  I’m not sure I’d want to be a waitress on a night like that, the cleanup is insane.

I had a hard time getting out of the booth but was more than satisfied, as were my counterparts.    When we got in the car to go home it was riding a little lower but we all had smiles on our faces.  It will be quite awhile before I go back to that buffet but when I do I’m going to bring a bib or wear something that wipes off easy.


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