Sidewalk Finds

Two coworkers of mine ran across a pair of dirty (and they meant DIRTY) men’s underwear on the sidewalk in downtown Duluth a couple of weeks ago.  Now, this isn’t really what I was thinking I would write about when I started this blog but we couldn’t help but laugh thinking about the scenarios for why they would be there.   

• A homeless guy decided that enough was enough, he’d gotten the wear out of them he needed.
• A drunk had an accident at some point and realized that he couldn’t go on any further without discarding them.
• Some guy had Mexican for lunch and couldn’t quite make it back to the office.
• It was laundry day and they were in the basket (God only knows why he would try to salvage these) and they fell out.
• A homeless guy may have lost them out of a shopping cart or his pocket while he was walking, but again, why was he saving them? From the description the girls gave they were un-salvageable.
• He could have put them there on purpose to cause just this sort of reaction.  But again, I have to stress, they WERE NOT clean so he would have had to soil them at some point.  I would think anyone would want to hide the evidence, not flaunt it.

 Now, none of these scenarios is a good and here are the reasons why:

• If someone had been wearing them and decided he couldn’t live with them anymore how in the hell did he get them off?  He would have had to take his shoes and pants off, then the underwear, then put the pants and shoes back on.  All in the middle of the sidewalk.
• It could have been a cross-dresser and he just slipped them off from under a skirt.
• If they had been in a laundry basket, there is not a laundry mat anywhere close so he perhaps had to get on a bus, which brings a whole new scenario.
• The poor Clean and Safe Team, although it may not be the worst thing they’ve ever seen, give these good people a break.

 My advice is throw them away people, bury them in the trash or burn them in the back yard.  There is no need to share them with the world.