Funny Pictures II

Start writing a blog about funny things and people will start sharing stuff with you like nobody’s business.  Here are a few things I’ve received lately:

This was on sale on Ebay.  Do you think the extra legs come with the dance uniform?

Can’t imagine why this guy is walking alone.

Look closely, a very rare siting of three fanny packs.  Thank goodness for cameras.

And the best for last from the front window of a craft store…………

Gym Orientation

I did not think that I would write about the gym so much!  I now realize the gym is a breeding ground for funny in so many ways.

Last week I had weight orientation with a wonderful trainer.  Weight orientation is where they show you the machines, ask what your trouble spots are (like they can’t see) and get you started on a good weight routine.  We also laughed a lot, not sure that’s the normal routine but it worked for me.

Well, first of all, I really just thought she was going to show us the machines and explain them… oh no, we had to try them out, etc.  I was a little late getting there so I had my work clothes on and left my work-out clothes in the car. 

How nice to be trying out the machines in dress shoes, jeans and a white sweater (of course with a stain from lunch on it).  People were looking at me like I was crazy.  About half-way through the orientation one of my underwires decided to attempt to escape and was poking me in a not so great place.  When those things happen there’s no lady-like way to fix it other than grabbing, pulling, shifting and maneuvering.  So tough being a woman sometimes.

As we were finishing up I did see a fellow with jeans and a Larry The Cable Guy flannel on using work gloves as weight lifting gloves so I didn’t feel so bad.  The gloves even looked like they might have had a little residue left on them from the farming he’d done earlier.

Gotta love us rednecks going to the gym.  Maybe I’ll pick up a pair of those gloves this week for my weight work-outs.

Funny Pictures

I’ve been trying to clean up my computer and ran across the following pictures I must have saved for some reason.

How much do you think the car cleaners at the rental car place liked me when I returned this bird poop ridden car?  I dare to bet not much.  My advice, don’t park under the trees in Canada, those birds are brutal.

I wonder if I should have suggested she wear pants when we went fishing with the boys?

I’m not sure what smelting is but I do know what fishing is.  Ummm, you, in the boat, pretty sure that’s a fishing boat and you boys in the hip boots, if that’s smelting, you’re in big trouble!  Funny how people just don’t obey the law anymore.

Don’t ever wear a strapless bra to an entertainment park.  This is the ride from hell at Universal Studios where my strapless bra decided to completely flip down while I was riding next to a perfect stranger.  Attempting to fix it while on the ride was pointless, plus, the guy next to me was wondering what I was doing.  He figured it out pretty quickly when I got off the ride and had to fix it, not something you can really be discreet about it.

Falling Funny

It seems funny fell into my yard the other day.  Here she is:

Now, I have no kids, the immediate neighbors on each side of me have no kids and the people directly across the alley have no kids.  It certainly wasn’t there the day before, she was very noticeable when we walked out so we would have noticed her.  She’s a little thing, about 4 inches high or so.

I wonder how she got there, especially head down.  And not just head down but feet straight in the air head down.  Did she jump off my roof to try to commit toy suicide?  She looks like she’s been put through the ringer so perhaps a child finally got sick of her and tossed her, but from where?  Did she fall from the sky?  Perhaps she was flushed in an airplane miles above me.

We found this whole thing incredibly funny and the possibilities of how she got there became ridiculous.   Not sure if it really was that funny or if it was the company we were keeping and the made up stories that took place.  She looks a bit rough but she’s okay.

Bartending

Bartending is almost as good as going to the state fair or Wal-Mart, especially in west-end Duluth.  It’s entertainment, an ego boost and exhausting all at the same time.

Yesterday started with me screwing up the popcorn, there was a miscommunication in the way it needed to be done.  I was informed there was a ‘new’ way to do it which consisted of two glasses of oil.  Well, two glasses of oil is enough to deep fry a Cornish hen and a couple of corn dogs, but okay.  It became painfully obvious this wasn’t going to work so I was going to dump some of the oil out.  Why wouldn’t I do that in a plastic glass?  What a jackpot!  Sometimes I wonder how I get through life.  After a couple burns and a roll of paper towel I removed enough oil to get the job done.  Come to find out, there was no ‘new’ way, it was the same old way I’ve always done it.  I should have asked for clarification.

I brought two books with me today with intentions of getting them finished, well, that didn’t work out either, stayed just busy enough to be irritating.  I didn’t feel it was appropriate to tell everyone to leave so I could read, I think that would have affected my tips.

We open at 10, which means most of my patrons have had a good 3 or more hours of drinking in, considering they go to Wisconsin to start drinking at 6.  Yes, that’s 6 AM I’m talking about.  They start in Wisconsin, move to next door about 8 and then move to me at 10.

Today the motorcycle club was having a party so they were all leaving from the bar, which is good because it kept me on my toes until about 12:30.  After that a couple old guys, some regulars and two hilarious ladies kept me company until my shift ended.

The two ladies completely made my day, they were drinking PBR taps, eating pizza and writing dirty limericks.  So funny.  While I was chatting with them one of my old guys left but said he was going to be back, I look over at his glass and there was a bottle of lotion next to it.  Lotion? Really? He had been there for quite some time, no lotion prior to this.  Where did that bottle materialize from?  The three of us found it hilarious and made up a few stories as to why it was there.  Let’s just say none of the stories were good.

The other bit of good news is that I only had to cut one person off, which is odd, usually there’s a few of these.  I didn’t have a choice, he couldn’t keep his eyes open and I could no longer understand what I can only assume was English coming out of his mouth.  The speech was hindered by beer and a severe lack of teeth.

People of Wal-Mart

Now, I refuse to post the people of Wal-Mart photos here as there is a website dedicated to them (click here).  However, I received an email today with some new photos and I haven’t had one for a few months.  I’m not going to lie, to see these boosts my ego.  I sometimes wonder if these people are planted and they pose for these photos, today I realize a majority of them are probably true though.  Here’s why:

  • Some heavy women tend to think they look good in anything, including fish net stockings and a mini-skirt that’s 3 sizes too small. You can find this at any state fair.
  • People don’t read what’s on their shirts, front or back.  I have seen a VERY large woman in a restaurant with a shirt on that said “Big Daddy”.  You really put that on to go into public?
  • Just because you’re skinny doesn’t mean you can show off everything, that includes muffin tops, tattoos, butt cracks and butt cheeks.  I see this all the time, even at work.
  • I understand you might be crazy, but don’t advertise it by wearing your hospital gown, your pink size 13 high heels (men) or your lingerie to the store.  I work in downtown Duluth, I see these things on a weekly basis.
  • No one would walk into a public place with a poop stain in the shorts willingly, no way, no how.  No way that one is fake!

I believe these pictures could be labeled, People of the State Fair, People of the County Fair, People of My Hometown or People at the Flea Market.  They are everywhere, some of us may even be these people from time to time, I have some items I wear walking that should not be for public consumption. 

My advice to you:  cover it up, buy it big enough, wear underwear smaller than your shorts, check out the damage after some bad gas and for the love of God read very carefully what your shirt says before you wear it in public.