I cannot be on a diet. I mean that word is crippling to me. Something clicks in my head and the diet is over before it begins. Some say that I need to get my head in a “change of lifestyle” place. Yeah, that’s probably not going to work either so today I ventured to thesaurus.com to see what I could come up with. First I tried another word for journey, nothing jumped out at me, then I tried another word for hunt, as in I’m hunting for a body that doesn’t billow over the top of my pants, the only one funny there is “frisking” which I would adopt but my body is in no current shaped to be frisked either. I finally typed in the word diet and low and behold I found it. Starvation. I find that hilarious. If I call it starvation I will be thankful for everything I get to eat, no matter how small or simple.
Day 4: My head is in a better place today, I’ve done my exercises and I’ve only eaten breakfast and lunch, nothing massive in between. I’m going to fix a shake for dinner before I leave for a 10 hour bartending shift. It will take me 2 days to recover from that shift but at this time it’s my only job so I don’t have a choice.
Yesterday my friend who complains about weight with me was put in a hospital for some heart issues, which are ongoing with her. She’s been sending me texts that’s she’s starving and no one cares. This is a bit of our conversation:
Her: I AM STARVING!! Does no one care!?
Me: We committed you secretly and this is your weight loss program.
Her: I just peed my inderweR. Can’t text laughing too hard.
It’s important to be supportive to our friends. I do what I can.
I also lied, I did not have a shake for dinner, I skipped dinner and went to work and had leftover hotdish when I got home at 2:00 AM. This is not on the starvation plan.
Day 5: The 13 year old is here for the weekend and she eats like a small village. It’s hard for me not to want to eat like her. I hate her because she doesn’t gain an ounce. It’s fine though, she’s 13, I won’t hold it against her, yet.
Day 6: I hate life, this starvation thing is going but not going. Pounds are not melting off…at least it doesn’t seem like it. I have developed an allergy to the scale. There’s a force field around it that zaps me every time I get close.
Day 7: I realized today that I will have no idea if I’m losing weight. I was hoping my clothes would start fitting me better….they haven’t…and they won’t. Why won’t they, you ask? Because our washer is on the fritz and it only works on “hot”. This is a chubby girl’s worst nightmare! The only good thing is that the clothes will continue to shrink so perhaps I won’t have to buy a new wardrobe for a long time. The bad thing is that everything of mine is like putting Barbie clothes on a Cabbage Patch Doll. It’s a delicate situation and I do a lot of praying that the seams will hold up. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Week 2: The start of the second week hasn’t been too bad, I’ve been preoccupied with some personal things so haven’t been thinking about my starvation. Now that I’m writing about it though I’m thinking about it and I’m hungry.
I have eaten us out of house and home at this point. I don’t trust myself to go to the grocery store alone so I haven’t picked up anything. In the process it seems I’m also starving the skinny guy that lives with me. I best go shopping tomorrow. I’m so desperate for food I’m living off of freeze pops at the moment.
Another night bartending tonight….hopefully I don’t faint from the lack of nutrition and if I do that someone kicks me out of the way of the patrons.
I’ll see you next week with either less pounds or perhaps a washing machine that actually works on cold water wash.
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