The Journey Begins

Ok kids, I need to do something about my weight.  I mean, I NEED to do something.  We are at Defcon 1 here.  My ankles are bad, my knees are bad, I have a bad hip and a bad back.  My waddle has a waddle people.  I’ve been talking about this for way too long.  Last month a girlfriend and I decided that we would start with 5 pounds, lose 5 pounds before the end of February and we would go from there.  Well, I have 8 pounds to go to reach that goal and it’s the middle of March.

I’ve been heavy since I was done with college.  Although the weight doesn’t come on overnight, it seems as though it does.  Maybe that’s the thing about finally deciding to lose weight, you look in the mirror one day and think “when in the hell did this happen”.  If I was still in good health I probably wouldn’t care much about losing weight.  I mean, I have to have something to make fun of myself about.  But I am currently truly miserable, I have such a bad hip that I cannot function in a normal capacity, the pain is unbearable sometimes.

I’ve been saying for a year that I need to get back to writing because it’s therapeutic for me.  Perhaps this will get me back into writing and keep me accountable.  Hopefully.  I think at this point I’m willing to do just about anything.

The starting is the hard part so here’s to starting.  My plan is to cut down on my portions, do hip exercises at least twice a day and cut down on carbs.  In general, eat better, swap a shake for meal/snack, stop eating Top the Tator (ok, I can’t quit TTT cold turkey but I will try) and get my hip feeling better.  I would love to walk or exercise in some other way but at this point I just can’t, I can’t even walk to the mailbox without being in tears.

Day 1:  I’m starving.  It’s day one and I’m going to starve to death!  I just ate a bowl of Mini Wheats and I would like to raid the fridge and freezer.  The second I think I’m on a diet I’m doomed.  I need to get my head in a different place.  I need to focus on how bad my  hip hurts and use it to my advantage.  I’ve also got to focus on the dent my pants leave on my stomach because they’re getting awfully tight.  My muffin top is more like a mountain top and it’s really starting to irritate me.

Hip exercise are going well, I lay on the floor with my knees bent and squeeze my butt cheeks together.  I do this for 5 seconds 30 times.  It’s harder than you think when you’re as big around as you are tall.  They tell you to use your core, hahahaha, my core ran for the hills years ago and hasn’t been seen since.  When I get better I can start lifting my butt off the floor, that will probably happen around January of 2020 but I will be patient.  That should be the year I’m ready for swimsuit season.

Day 2: Once again had a bowl of cereal, then went to town to run some errands.  Stopped at the bar I work at with free drink tickets.  I don’t think I have to be specific about what happened next.  The day went to hell in a handbasket and I was behind the wheel. The only good thing diet-wise was I didn’t eat the rest of the day.  The bad thing is I now have to work on my drinking apparently and I didn’t do my hip exercises.  Let’s add that to my pile of vices.  That doesn’t happen often so it shouldn’t be hard for me to give up.

Day 3: Hotdish leftovers for breakfast!!  Really?  I’ve also realized I’m very much a bored eater.  Being at home right now has proven that ten times over.  I’m on a Criminal Minds watching binge and it would be very easy for me to binge on food as well, that’s very difficult to control.  I need to get to a point where I’m project oriented so I can get some things accomplished here before I go back to work. I think I could also kill someone and get away with it, I need to stop watching this stuff….well, after 4 more seasons anyway.

Hip exercises are going okay but they hurt like the dickens.  I feel like a jackpot doing them but it’s just me and the dogs so no need for me to be embarrassed.  They come and snuggle with me while I’m laying on the floor.

Until next time.  Let’s hope I don’t starve to death or go on an eating rampage and wake up in a pile of ice cream, pizza and Top the Tator.