How to Lose Your Job

In my work experience I have only been dismissed from my job once.  However, I have been privy to or a part of several things that SHOULD have gotten me fired.  I will not tell you which of these things I have actually done, you’ll just have to guess.

Saying the F word to the owner of the company.
While schlepping packages at a parts company, the boss yelled and asked an office employee why they were stacking packages on pallets in the warehouse.  He yelled this from his office which was above the warehouse floor.  Well the employee, being mad already that packaging wasn’t doing their job said something along the lines of “if you don’t like it get your (insert F word here) a$$ down here and do it yourself”.  There were several other things said by the employee including more curse words . Needless to say that employee was not on the job much longer although it was posed as a ‘lay-off’.

Shutting the company down.
At a technology company a customer service person was accused of shutting the company down for 4 days because she opened an email with a virus.  There were never any facts presented in the matter and she blamed someone in the Development group.  The jury is still out on whether or not it was really her.  She nor the developer lost their jobs but they sure did a lot of filing for 4 days.

Drinking margaritas during lunch.
Two women decided to try out a new Mexican restaurant at lunch.  As luck would have it if you bought a margarita you received a free sombrero.  Well, why not, one margarita couldn’t hurt.  One margarita turned into two margaritas as they were delicious.   Feeling slightly tipsy (they were not wimpy margaritas)  giggles erupted on the way back to the office and as they were riding up the elevator the conversation was something like this:
Woman 1:  Okay, we can do this.
Woman 2:  Shhhh, we’re fine.
Woman 1:  Seriously, those were strong.
Woman 2:  <Giggle, giggle> I know but good.
Woman 1:  Ok (pointing her finger), be serious, no one will know.
Woman 2:  We’re fine, straighten up.
As they get into the office the receptionist says “were you two drinking at lunch?”  Woman 1 says “why would you think that?”  The receptionist starts laughing hysterically and says “because you are each wearing a sombrero”.  The two women look at each other and the  massive hats with astonishment as they both completely forgot they were wearing them.  Immediately taking the hats off, straightening up and heading straight to their desks they swore to stay away from people as much as possible the rest of the day.  This did not cost them their jobs but easily could have.

I’m sure I will think of more stories and I bet you know of a time you or someone else should have or did lose their job because of something they did that was not so ethical but pretty funny.


3 thoughts on “How to Lose Your Job

  1. We had a guy who was famous for being the first in to work every morning and the last to leave at night. Turned out that he was living in his car in the parking lot.

    He didn’t lose his job, but the head of the company asked him, in a kindly way, if he would find somewhere else to park at night. Was this necessary? The boss said that he was worried that if a few more men had fights with their wives, we would have a little village of cars out there, and then BBQs and card games and who knows what after that.

    I’m still not sure that that would have been so bad.

    1. OMG, I can just see it. “Honey, we have to work late tonight”. “Honey, I have to go in on Saturday”. And these men are having barbeques in the parking lot watching college football, etc.

  2. My uncle was chronically late. One day the boss called him in and asked him why he never comes in on time. My uncle replied, “I could, but I’m afraid you’ll start expecting it of me.”

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