I couldn’t do it.  I just couldn’t do it.  I could not keep the phone that was a step above two dixie cups and a string and a step below a rotary phone.

I was lucky enough that a friend who read my last story had a phone that he didn’t need anymore.  I got a text from him last week that said “I just read Following Funny and I have an iPhone3 you can have.  Cut your losses.”  You would have thought I hit the lottery.  I was happier than a government employee on flag day.

I wasn’t overly thrilled because it was an iPhone and I’ve been operating off of Android for so long but I didn’t care at this point.  Frustration had made its way in and it wasn’t leaving.  I had realized by then that the phone had fewer features than I first thought and it didn’t always seem to ring when someone called.  I started getting voicemails and there was no missed call or anything.

Today my saint dropped off my new phone.  I of course had to text several questions to my iPhone guru friends to ask some really dumb questions (I couldn’t find where the SIM card went) so it took me about three hours to get it set up and I’m even still working on a couple things at this point.   Remember how the other phone brought in three of each contact?  Well, with this phone I’m missing a bunch of them.  That certainly could have been me messing around with the phone from hell the last few days.  Now when people text I’m going to have to ask “who is this”.  How embarrassing.

Miraculously I kept my receipt from my purchase last week so I was on a mission to return it today.  Once again I was reminded why I do not go to Wal-Mart.  When I made my purchase last week I asked the cashier if I could return the phone if it didn’t work and she clearly said “yes, just go to customer service and they’ll take care of it for you”.  Today I parked in the customer service line with the crappy phone and a smile on my face…..for about five minutes.

It became obvious fairly quickly that returning this phone was going to be an adventure.  There were four Walmartians behind the counter.  One was on the phone, one was weighing and counting money (on the front counter while people were standing there no less), one was sorting returned items and one was helping a customer.  Yes, one.  There was a line of six people waiting to be helped.  I can only imagine that they were returning some piece of crap as well.  It seemed to be more important for them to switch a money drawer and for one to leave for break than actually help anyone.

I not so patiently waited for my turn to proudly present my receipt and purchase.  I was finally greeted by the sole working Walmartian and told him I was returning the phone.  He was only too happy to tell me he couldn’t help me and that I needed to go to the cell phone center.  I said “seriously” and he said “yup, that’s where all phones are returned even if you bought it back in electronics”.   Oh good.

I walked over to the cell phone center and lo and behold, two people working, nine people in the center.  I was hoping I wouldn’t have a meltdown before I got helped.  One worker was helping a woman who was asking about monthly plans.  This woman was saying the craziest things to the worker, I just couldn’t believe the employee was so patient with her.  She was telling her about how she got her last four or five cellphones which was completely irrelevant to what was happening today.  All this while people were waiting!  This wasn’t social hour at the local tavern.

The top of my head was about to explode when the woman finally stopped talking and I could get helped.  I was a bit crabby until I saw the woman’s face who was helping me.  She was clearly more frustrated than I was so I put on a pleasant face for her and did what I could to make my visit quick.

I’m happy with my new phone and I’m sure it will take me a few weeks to figure it out and get all my contacts back.  By then it will probably break and I will have to get a new one yet again.