Whew, it’s about time. These humans that call themselves “Mom” and “Dad” (even I know they can’t really be my mom and dad, I’m much cuter than they are and they walk silly, they don’t even use their front paws and legs to walk) said when I turned 6 months old I could start writing. Here I am with my new series It’s a Doc’s Life.
Needless to say my name is Doc, I’m a 6 month old American Staffordshire Terrier. More commonly known as a pitbull. And apparently that’s not cool. Somehow, somewhere, “pitbull” became an awful thing because mean people exist and trained my ancestors to be mean. I think Chihuahuas are mean, there, I said it, I put that out there. Mom speaks her mind so I will too. Don’t blame me for what my ancestors, who I have never met, did. And please stop shoving your fist in my mouth when you first meet me, yes I will bite you. I don’t see humans doing that to other humans so don’t do it to me. I once heard my human mom say she would bite someone if they did that to her. Please do let me smell your hands though, that’s how I get to know you.
To be sappy for a moment, my life truly began when a couple of humans came to pick me up and brought me to my human mom and dad. They brought me to a big house, a big yard, a big garage and a big bed. I didn’t know a dog could have it so good. My dog mom never told me I was going to have my own place….except I have to let the humans stay with me…something about money and bills. I decided it was okay to have them around, a dog needs servants and apparently I get two. Now I know where the term “lucky dog” comes from.
I know the house is mine, I claimed it. I did it little by little so no one would notice but it only took me a few weeks to pee in every room. Not sure how I knew to do that but I did. It is now mine and I didn’t see Mom or Dad peeing on anything to reclaim it so they have resorted to being my servants.The humans got mad but I was on a mission so I had to complete it. Mom says it was my fault she had to clean the carpets. That was long overdue if you ask me.
My humans are strange, in my opinion all humans are strange, but I have some really weird ones.
The short, round, smart assy one (Mom) is mostly called Peg by other humans who come and visit. She calls me Booger, Boogs, or Doc. She only calls me Doc when I’m being naughty. I pretend not to hear her but she knows I do. That makes her really mad. I can’t help myself though, I find it terribly funny. Sometimes I even walk away from her as she calls my name. Sometimes she spanks me when I’m naughty but I love her anyway, I just can’t help it, I just love to lick those chubby cheeks……I can’t pinch them so I have to lick them.
The tall, skinny, quiet one, well, quiet until he’s mad, (Dad) is mostly called Jim by other humans. He calls me Doc, Bud and sometimes Booger. I pretend to listen to him more than mom, he pees outside while standing up, I think he has one up on me there. It’s my house but I let him think it’s his. He’s coming along nicely in his training program. I have to tread lightly with him, he’s not as quick as mom to admit that I run this show. Plus, he’s quicker than mom so I can’t away quite as easy.
Let’s get back to the weird part. They play video games, just the two of them. They watch several episodes of the same show in a row….I have to nap, I can’t watch, it’s just too boring. They play pool and listen to the jukebox, and sometimes even dance, did I mention it’s just the two of them? It’s like they’re having a party but haven’t invited anyone else. Oh well, they’re mine I guess, it would be too much work to look for new ones at this point. Plus, they really do spoil me.
Wow, that’s a lot of writing for a dog like me, I should probably get back to chewing up my rope, most toys don’t last two days around me, this one has been around for two weeks and I haven’t destroyed it yet. It is my new mission.
Here I am….I don’t like pictures but mom says I have to. Dad doesn’t get his picture taken so I’m not sure why I have to. After the Destroy the Rope Mission is over I will go after that thing mom takes my picture with, first I will pee on it to claim it as mine, then I will destroy it.
Until next time.