Gym Orientation

I did not think that I would write about the gym so much!  I now realize the gym is a breeding ground for funny in so many ways.

Last week I had weight orientation with a wonderful trainer.  Weight orientation is where they show you the machines, ask what your trouble spots are (like they can’t see) and get you started on a good weight routine.  We also laughed a lot, not sure that’s the normal routine but it worked for me.

Well, first of all, I really just thought she was going to show us the machines and explain them… oh no, we had to try them out, etc.  I was a little late getting there so I had my work clothes on and left my work-out clothes in the car. 

How nice to be trying out the machines in dress shoes, jeans and a white sweater (of course with a stain from lunch on it).  People were looking at me like I was crazy.  About half-way through the orientation one of my underwires decided to attempt to escape and was poking me in a not so great place.  When those things happen there’s no lady-like way to fix it other than grabbing, pulling, shifting and maneuvering.  So tough being a woman sometimes.

As we were finishing up I did see a fellow with jeans and a Larry The Cable Guy flannel on using work gloves as weight lifting gloves so I didn’t feel so bad.  The gloves even looked like they might have had a little residue left on them from the farming he’d done earlier.

Gotta love us rednecks going to the gym.  Maybe I’ll pick up a pair of those gloves this week for my weight work-outs.

Gym-Bound

I’m going to join the gym, again.  This obviously isn’t the first time and it will not be the last I’m sure.  But right now, I’m doing it, I’m going to join the gym.   I’m excited, I’m joining with one of my friends, I figure the buddy system is the best way to go, not only for moral support but to be there to document the good stuff.

Last time I was gym-bound I had a buddy as well but she didn’t always want to get up in the mornings so I would go by myself.

The following near death experience is why I quit going last time.

My normal workout was 45 minutes on the elliptical, sometimes I would even bike or walk the treadmill, I really thought I was doing great.  One particular morning I decided on the treadmill, there was only one other ‘exerciser’ in the room.

Since I had been working out for months and could do a pretty good pace on the elliptical I thought I would try to jog, what a better time then when the place is empty, right?  I walked at a pretty good pace for about 10 minutes and then upped it to a slow jog, now, when I say slow, it’s pretty darn slow.  Here’s how it went:

  • This is great, I can do this
  • Watch out Grandma’s marathon, here I come
  • I wonder if I should speed it up a little
  • Whew, getting winded, wonder if it’s been 5 minutes?
  • This is harder than I thought, did this thing speed itself up?
  • Legs are tightening up
  • I wonder if the other exerciser can see me struggle?
  • I look over to see him through a blur.
  • Is this thing speeding up more?
  • I’m losing my eyesight, my God, I’m going blind!
  • I’m losing consciousness!
  • I wonder if the other exerciser will call 911?
  • I’m screaming for help but nothing is coming out
  • Apparently he’s not going to call 911 for me
  • I stab at the machine until it slows way down
  • I remove myself from the devil machine, looking around for oxygen
  • I drag a leg over to the water cooler
  • I look around wondering if he saw me
  • I check the time, so sure it’s been 10 minutes…….
  • 47 seconds!
  • I almost died at 47 seconds from jogging
  • Eff this, I’m going back to the elliptical……

I sure hope my new workouts go better than my last.  I will keep you posted.