Black Friday

Black Friday came and went, one of the worst days of the year.  I’m not a fan of shopping anyway and then the gates are opened for all crazy shoppers to be even more craz.  Now, I’m not one to back down from a challenge but I would rather stick my tongue to a light pole in January in Minnesota than go shopping on Black Friday.

To me it’s like the county fair, a parade of the mutants.  Those people who only go out once a year, some of them probably haven’t seen the light of day since last year.  I have no idea where they come from but there are thousands of them.  Every year one of my friends tries to talk me into going.  No way.  Not on your life.  Been there, done that, barely survived.

It happened at Kohl’s, which I think was our second stop of the day.  I had already broken out into a rash and the cold sweats from the first stop but I was going to be a trooper and find the joy like so many others do.  I was with my best friend, shockingly enough, we’re still best friends.  We parted ways and I grabbed a cart because I was so confident that was the place where I would find all the deals.  Kohl’s would turn my attitude around about Black Friday shopping.  That was wishful thinking.

We parted ways, not by choice, the crowd swallowed us up and we were separated, no worries, this was going to be good.  I started filling my cart with a few goodies, clothing, candles, a pillow.  I started heading for the checkout when a lady snatched my pillow right out of my cart.  We made eye contact and the fight began, I yelled, she yelled back, I grabbed the pillow and hit her with it, she screamed….then I have no idea what happened and I was out by the car.

That’s where my friend found me.  I had not purchased any items and I was banned from the store like I ban someone from the bar who’s had too much to drink.  So we left and went home.  There was no way she was bringing me to another store.  Black Friday has been off-limits ever since.  I apparently cannot be trusted.

As I was listening to post Black Friday conversations this year I was glad I didn’t go.  Several people told stories of items getting ripped out of their carts.  I would have most likely needed bail money.