There are two ladies who live in the house next to the building I work in. The boys and I entertain ourselves by watching them mow. It’s a great day when we see them out picking up dog poop because we know what’s next!! It’s very disappointing when we come to work and find out they mowed after hours, very disappointing.
One lady push mows inside the fence and one lady uses a rider for the lawn closest to us. The lady on the rider is definitely a “it’s not how fast you mow, it’s how well you mow fast” lady. She certainly rides it like she stole it. She also wears the same outfit every time she mows. Maroon shorts, a green shirt, a floppy hat and sun glasses. It is awesome to say the least. She’s not a tiny little lady so she has some parts that jiggle pretty good when she gets going. I can only imagine I look very similar to her when I am on the rider, we seem to be kindred spirits.
One day I said that I wished I knew the ladies and that they had a good sense of humor because I would love to stand in the window (or outside) with rating cards. Like the ones used in sports like diving, etc. Well the boys thought that was hilarious so now I hear them telling other people about our plan. We never give her a 10 unless she’s going full speed, hits a bump and her hat gets to flopping really good! We don’t quite have all the criteria worked out but we’re getting there.
A couple nights ago I was mowing lawn and I knew I was going to run out of daylight so I was on the gas in the “it’s how fast you mow” zone. The sun went down and I finally realized why riders have headlights on them. I finished about 9:15 and it was dark.
The next morning I was telling the boys about my mowing escapades and how they would have given me a 10 for sure. They were giving me the third degree on why I deserved a 10. I said I wasn’t wearing a hat but I did have yoga pants and a wifebeater on and that I was moving FAST so there was lots of stuff moving that shouldn’t have been. I told them I wasn’t even slowing down for the corners so sometimes I was up on two wheels.
Well, they stopped listening after I said “wifebeater”. They were staring at me like I had an octopus tentacle coming out of my nose. Finally I said “What???” One of them said “did you say wifebeater?” I said yes and tried to continue on with my story. It finally dawned on me that they had no idea what a wifebeater is so I asked them and sure enough they had no idea. I said “you know, a white ribbed tank top, usually with a stain or two on it”. As they were laughing they asked why and I said “well, haven’t you ever seen the guy interviewed on the news with a white tank top with stains on it?” Well, we laughed and had conversations about the kinds of people that reporters tend to find to interview after something bad happens. I think they do it on purpose, helps ratings.
I had no idea that there were people out there that had never heard of that slang term before, I use it as if everyone knows. Here I am, educating the sheltered one slang term at a time. 🙂
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LOL…glad you are back writing…really love sharing these with the ladies at the office.