Daily Prompt: The Odd Couple

Does a messy home (or office) make you anxious and cranky, or is cleaning something you just do before company comes over?

Today’s Daily Prompt question is interesting because for me there doesn’t seem to be a clear-cut answer.

When it comes to working out of the house I am anxious and cranky about a messy desk/office.  Everything has its place.  Unfortunately I have worked in places where it’s hard to find a place for everything because of space, location or lack of equipment/supplies.  I am completely ashamed to say that I have actually driven back to my office at night or gone in on a weekend just because I left a mess behind.  I have no idea if that makes me obsessive, a good employee or just plain stupid but I’ve done it.

As far as my house is concerned I would have to say I fall somewhere in the middle.  If I’m going to have people over and I have ample notice, I will be pretty anxious about making sure the house is clean.  I lived by myself for a few years so my obsessiveness about cleanliness in those years would ebb and flow.  For a few days I would be a slob.  Now, when I say slob I mean not doing the dishes, not putting my clothes away or not sweeping the floor.  I don’t mean leaving rotting food lying around or garbage everywhere.  I want to be sure to be specific here.

I also have to admit there have been times when company was coming that I did the “fake clean”.  You know what I’m talking about, I know you’ve done it too, don’t deny it.  Dirty dishes in the oven, clothes shoved in a closet or piles of stuff moved to a closet or drawer.  Yes, this is very deceiving because people think you have a clean house all the time but it’s better than them thinking the alternative in my mind.

Now that I have a roommate I’m a bit more obsessive at home, I may go a couple of days without doing dishes, vacuuming, etc. but I make sure to keep a pretty clean house so she doesn’t think I’m a slob.  I still throw my dirty clothes down the basement steps but I attempt to make them in a basket instead of leaving them on the floor at the bottom. I still may not put my clothes away but at least they’re in my closet in a basket instead of in the living room in a basket.  Shhhh, don’t tell anyone that my closet isn’t clean.

I also have to say that I am very obsessive about my house before I leave for a few days.  I don’t like coming home to a mess and God forbid something happened to me, I don’t want people coming over to find a mess!  They certainly don’t need to come in to find a science experiment in the fridge, a messy bathroom or a pile of dirty laundry.

I’m not going to be one of those people who say “oh, my house is clean all the time” or “no one cleans like I do” because that’s just not true.  I know a few of those people and I’ve discovered those who brag the most about being obsessively clean really aren’t that way.

Thinking about all this just prompted me to make a list for tomorrow.  Vacuum, laundry, kitchen and bathroom floors and clean sheet night.  Ohhh, looking forward to going to bed tomorrow night already!  Yes, it’s true, clean sheet night is really that exciting to me.

Daily Prompt: Trading Places

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a member of the opposite sex for a day? What do you think life would be like?

There is no right or wrong answer to this, it’s all about our own perspective so I’m not going to over think, I’ll list what comes to my mind first.

  • I’d shower to discover all my new and missing body parts.
  • I’d jump up and down after the shower to discover what that would be like without having to wear a sports bra.  It would also tell me what I’d be working with between my legs.
  • I would stand in front of the mirror to see how much body hair I was cursed with and where exactly it was.  Then I’d trim if need be.
  • I would get dressed, pull my pants up above my crack, not worry about makeup, put on a baseball hat and hit the road.
  • I would first drive around town in my car to see if I became a better driver or not.
  • I would go test drive a big huge truck just to see if it made me feel more masculine.
  • I would test drive a motorcycle to find out if it was instinct how to drive it and see how many women looked my way.
  • I would scratch and adjust myself as much as possible just to see if it’s really that necessary.
  • I would open doors for all the ladies I encounter and smile politely.
  • It would be a lie if I didn’t mention sex.  One would HAVE to know what that would be like.
  • I would do a few chores at home like mow the lawn, take out the garbage, clean the toilet, do the dishes, etc. to see if those things are really as bad as some men say.
  • I would figure out what types of women I’m attracted to.  I would attempt to find out why some men are attracted to the bat shit crazy ones and I would leave something behind to let them know to run away.
  • I would go to the power tool section of the store and see if I automatically knew how to use them all and exactly what they were used for.
  • I would buy something that needs to be assembled just so I could assemble it without reading the directions.
  • I would take a trip without a map or GPS just so I could not ask for directions to see how long it would take to figure it out on my own.
  • I would sit in solitude for a bit to see if I really was thinking about “nothing” or if that’s just what I would tell someone.
  • I’d pee outside just because I could.

I could probably think of several more points but I think that’s enough for now.  I certainly wouldn’t want to dip into any emotional, avoiding confrontation or love stuff.

Botched Photo Opps II

Since my last episode of not having a camera handy you would think I would keep it close at all times.  That didn’t happen though.  There are more photo opportunities missed, not only by me but by others as well.

One of my coworkers pinged me and was laughing at a missed photo opportunity.  She wasn’t sure I would have posted it anyway but the fact that two geese in the pond at her apartment building were having relations was enough to put her in a tizzy.  Pretty sure no more explanation on my part is necessary.

Smart Car with flames.  Driving down the road I spotted a black Smart Car.  I think those are funny in the first place but this one in particular was really funny.  It had bright orange and yellow flames on it.  I’m sure that car would never go fast enough to create flames of any sort but if that makes the owner feel like they have a sports car, more power to him.

I was at the post office one day and a rust colored PT Cruiser pulled in.  The driver got out wearing pants and a sweater that matched her car exactly.  She was very camouflaged when she was standing next to it.  Needless to say, I couldn’t even get my phone out fast enough for a picture.

Shooting pool the other team had some problems with their pants.  One middle-aged woman was wearing a pink lace thong that stuck out above the back of her pants.  One other player seemed to be missing underwear all together as she showed crack every single time she bent over, not just a little crack either, it was quite long.

A person who frequents the bar has such bad hair it’s almost impossible to even explain.  This week it looked like a small rodent had made it’s home in the hair that’s left on the back of her head.  I believe she intended to have one of those inverted cuts that’s shorter in back and longer in front…..whoever cut it didn’t know it’s supposed to be a gradual thing, they also didn’t know you should use an actual pair of scissors and not a dull butter knife.   This week she also added a couple of bobby pins in the front and one curl on one side of her face.  Not a clue what she was going for there.  I believe she’s also letting her natural color grow back so about three inches down there’s a very definitive line between the two colors.

While in Reno we were waiting for the check-in desk and noticed a very tall, very large man in front of us.  Not only was he wearing a pair of bottoms that could have either been a long pair of shorts or a short pair of pants but when he turned around his slightly short t-shirt said ‘Big Daddy’.  All would have been fine had his shirt not said that.  We did manage to control ourselves until we were outside and out of earshot.

Also while in Reno we were returning to the hotel after an outing and a lady of the night was on her phone outside a cab.  Her outfit was beyond words and she was clearly agitated while asking the cab driver if he took anything besides cash.  Of course he was only taking cash, I think he knew what she meant by ‘any other form of payment’.  She was telling whoever she was talking to that she wasn’t paid in cash so she didn’t have any.  I’m not sure if her night was that slow, she was lying to her pimp or she was paid in chocolate chip cookies.  Very hard to say.

I will continue to watch for more opportunities and hopefully one of these days I will actually start getting some photos.

Crab Legs

Tonight I went with friends to a seafood buffet.  The big item…..crab legs.  Oh, they were sooooo good!!  I’m still stuffed to the gills and it was hours ago.

There were four of us at the table and as I was watching what was happening and how I must have looked diving into those crab legs I thought what a spectacle we all were.  There was food flying, legs cracking and butter dripping.  It was marvelous as an eater but I bet as an observer it resembled a bunch of lions devouring an antelope. Grunts and groans, ohhs and ahhs and food EVERYWHERE.

It’s so funny to watch the elation on the faces of people when they crack the leg just perfect and get that sliver of meat out.  It’s then held up like a trophy for the whole table to see.  “Ohhhh look at this one!”  Then everyone else says “Nice!”  It’s the only food I can think of that we do this with.  It’s also the only food I can think of that we work our ass off for a piece of meat the size of a toothpick and we’re happy as hell about it.

I feel like someone who doesn’t know how to use silverware when I eat crab legs.  I crack them with my hands, dig the meat out with my fingers and sometimes even eat the big pieces with my hands.  I realized I’m not civilized at all!  I also realized crab legs is not an item you want to have on the first few dates, you have to know someone pretty well to eat like that in front of them.

When I pushed my first plate away, yes I said the first plate, I noticed there was more food on the table then should have been possible.  Then I looked down at my shirt and I had a shelf full of some white sauce from the scallops, a drop of tarter sauce, a chunk of pasta and enough crab meat to fill a claw.  What the??  Did I not get anything in my mouth?  Was I shoveling so fast that I wasn’t even breathing?  How embarrassing.  I tried to be discreet (yeah right) and pick it all off before going back to the trough for a second plate.

As I was filling my second plate I was lecturing myself in my head to slow down while eating.  I was a little bummed I lost so much crab meat the first time, it’s a lot of work to get a little bit of meat, it needs to be savored and rationed.  The second plate was as good as the first and I had to ask for wet wipes.  I’m not sure I’d want to be a waitress on a night like that, the cleanup is insane.

I had a hard time getting out of the booth but was more than satisfied, as were my counterparts.    When we got in the car to go home it was riding a little lower but we all had smiles on our faces.  It will be quite awhile before I go back to that buffet but when I do I’m going to bring a bib or wear something that wipes off easy.

The Liebster Award – Part 1

http://thethingsiseeuphere.com/ was kind enough to nominate me for The Liebster Award so I will do my best to accept it and pass it on.  Thank you kindly!

I’d like to thank my agent, my manager, my parents, God…….oh wait, not that kind of award.  Oops, oh well, I now have an acceptance speech for when I do win that award.

There are rules to this award and I will do my best to spread the word.  I am supposed to answer 11 questions, nominate 11 bloggers with under 2o0 followers and ask them 11 questions.  I will do my best to follow the rules.

Right now I will have to do this in two parts, this first part will be to acknowledge the person who nominated me and answer the questions posed to me, the second part will be to nominate 11 others and ask them 11 questions.  With everything on my plate at the moment, part 2 will be on the back burner for a short time.

Here are the questions and my answers:

1. What was the worst thing you ever got into trouble for as a child?

This is really a tough one as it seems like I was always in trouble for something.  I’m going to concentrate on the word ‘child’ here so I don’t make a mistake and tell you about any ‘teen’ trouble I got into.  I had a bit of a temper as a child.   My Mom and Dad installed new countertops in the kitchen, my Mom was super excited and the counters looked great.  Not long after (and I mean within the first few days) the counters were installed I got mad at my Mom, for what? I have no idea.  I took a serving spoon, you know, one of those old heavy duty ones with a wooden handle that doubled as a weapon.  I wielded that spoon like an axe and went to work on the edge of the countertop and chipped the living daylights out of it.  Mad was not a word that described what my Mom was.  Uff da.

2. If you could marry a cartoon character who would it be?

Yosemite Sam.  Why?  A gun waving, cowboy hat wearing bad boy…..need I say more?

3. If you were an alcoholic drink, what would you be and why?

A margarita.  It looks and tastes sweet but packs a big punch.

4. Do you think blind people actually see things in their dreams?

Yes.  They probably see things way more clearly than those of us with sight do.

5. If people point to their wrist to ask for the time, why do people get mad when you point to your crotch indicating you want a hand job?

Oh boy.  Well, for one, you have your own hands, when someone points to their wrist it’s obvious they don’t have a watch.

6. Have you ever had an imaginary friend?

As a kid, maybe.  As an adult, I have two, Me and Myself.

7. What’s the longest you have ever gone without taking a bath or shower?

I can’t think of a time when I’ve had to go on a trip to the Amazon or a camping trip to the middle of nowhere for a week so I would have to say two, maybe three days.

8. Have you ever farted during sex?

Hasn’t everyone?

9. If you were caught peeing in public what excuse would you use?

“Sorry officer but I HAD TO GO!  Holding it can cause a UTI and we wouldn’t want that, now would we?”

10. Would you rather only be hit on by ridiculously unattractive people or only people of the same-sex?

I’m not into the girl thing, not that there’s anything wrong with it, so I’d have to say ridiculously unattractive men, one of them has to have a great personality and treat me like a queen…or maybe have a lot of money….hmmmm.

11. Would you eat chocolate pudding that tasted like shit or shit that tasted like chocolate pudding?

Chocolate pudding that tastes like shit, it’s not much different from tasting like that right now but I’d eat it before a pot pie, that’s for sure.

I will attempt to get part 2 of my mission completed as soon as possible.

Writer’s Cramp

Well hello there.  I know, it’s been too long.  My apologies for that.  There are a few things that have hindered my ability to post these days.

I went on a short vacation to meet Idaho.  We had a blast, I took lots of notes and plan to write a story or two about our endeavours.  You won’t be disappointed, we had tons of laughs and a medical issue on this trip, I knew the healthy streak wouldn’t last long.

Picking up bartending shifts and the two-hour time difference from Nevada has my nights and days screwed up and of course the tiny sleep schedule I do have is completely out the window.  I don’t think I sleep at all now and I’ve pretty much stopped eating too.  Run for cover, hide the children, call 911!  There has never been a time in my life that I don’t eat.  As my sister and I say, ‘feed a fever, feed a cold, feed everything’.  I’m not holding my breath on actually losing any weight though, I couldn’t get that lucky.

Without an actual full-time day job, the developer of my phone app at a new job which keeps him too busy to do his side work (what’s that all about?) and some newfound determination to discover a dream job, I decided to dive headlong into putting a book together.  Not a small project to embark on.  I’m making wonderful progress though.  I’m pulling particular stories from the blog and also adding new stories that won’t be found here.  Sorry, I’ve been cheating on you and writing for my book.  It’s just writing, it doesn’t mean anything, don’t be like that.  I’m sorry baby.  Oh wait…..I think I went off on a tangent there. ….awkward.

I’ve actually been writing quite a bit so I believe the writer’s cramp I’m feeling in my hands is legitimate, bartending is a vacation compared to putting a book together.  I never thought I’d say bartending was a vacation.

See you soon!

The First Time

Stop.  Not THAT first time, I just threw up in my mouth thinking about having to share that story so that won’t be happening.  Ewww.

I leave for Reno in less than three days and I will be going without a computer.  I know, therapy is scheduled and TSA has been alerted.  Even prior to the days I had my own laptop I traveled with a work laptop.  I think there’s only been a time or two I braved airport security and didn’t have to grab an extra bin for my computer in the last ten years.

There are three reasons for me embarking on this new territory:

One, our plan is to be on the bike for a good portion of the trip.  This is new for us and I’m super excited to see what sort of adventures it brings.  I’m at odds about exactly what attire to pack, should I go with ‘full fledged biker chick’ or ‘first time biker chick’?  I’m going to shoot for somewhere in between, I don’t have chaps, I won’t be wearing a bikini top with jeans (ever) and I can’t wear my hair in a long braid with my bandana yet.  I know, I know, I’m stereotyping but that’s where I will probably be eventually so I figure I can go there.

Two, a month or so ago my computer started making a sound similar to a loud snowmobile.  In order to work on it while watching TV I had to turn up the volume to 47 so I could hear it over the newly added noise.  My new roommate has a very nice laptop and was kind enough to say “why don’t you use my computer, that one sounds like it’s going to burst into flames”.  I have been very thankful for the offer.

I’ve had my computer since about the turn of the century and as you can understand I have LOTS of stuff saved on it so not to use it is a bit odd.  I was working on it last week and it just quit on me, I mean the screen went black and it shut off completely.  I hate to admit it but I haven’t had enough guts to attempt to even turn it on since then so I will not be taking it on another trip.  Maybe when I get home I will talk nice to it, pray to the computer gods and push the power button.

Three, I DON’T HAVE TO!  It hit me that this is the first time I will be traveling where I don’t have to check work emails, be available by cell phone for work or wonder what’s happening with my clients while I’m gone from work.  Holy crap, I don’t have a job!!  I mean, it’s been very obvious I don’t have a job, but wow is life changing.

Although a portion of my Thanksgiving trip to Idaho was without a job, I still had my computer and still had to tie up loose ends while I was gone.  All in all, I can’t wait!!!  I can’t wait to see what going away is like without having to bring a computer, check work emails, check-in to make sure everything is okay or take client calls.  I’m excited and nervous for my first time.

As I was packing today a weird feeling came over me when I realized I could take an actual carry on with me that wasn’t my computer bag.  What do I put in it?  How big of a bag should I take? Should I only take a carry on and no actual luggage?  Which bag do I use?  About that time, I started getting sweaty palms and panicking so I put down all the bags and walked away.  I guess this is all a work in progress.

I’m sure I’ll have stories about my first time when I return and I will be more than ready to share them with you.  Let’s keep our fingers crossed that I don’t freeze up at airport security because I don’t know how to go through without a computer and not make it on my trip.