Things That Make Me Smile II

I received this text from a friend after she took her dog for a walk:

“Who shits twice on their walk?  Who unties the bag and gets it all over their fingers? Yeah, that’s our dog all right.  Next time I won’t tie the bag so tight.  Sheesh, lesson learned.”

I received this instant message from a coworker on a Wednesday morning:

“Speaking of drinking. Monday I decided it was a good idea to not eat and save my calories for wine.  Turns out that isn’t the best idea I’ve ever had.”

When Idaho arrived I asked him how the flight was.  He said “great but I had to go to the bathroom super bad but was scared to ask the two ladies next to me to move during the flight so I held it”.  I’m glad he wasn’t scared of me when I met him!!

Idaho and I were in the car with my parents going to dinner on Saturday night and my dad said the following as we were talking about family:

“My grandpa was buried Catholic but because he wasn’t a true Catholic he couldn’t be carried through the cemetery gates so they had to carry him through the ditch.”

It happened again!!! Idaho got sick while he was here.  It happens to one of us every time.  I sent him on a plane with a bad cough and a terrible head cold.  When I talked to him yesterday it now sounds like bronchitis.  He’s going to stop coming here pretty soon.

Today I received a voicemail and the following words and phrases were in it and I will let you draw your own conclusions how it went.

  • Bodybuilder neighbor
  • Middle of September
  • Speedo
  • Smelly overflowing garbage
  • Empty health food containers

Driving in heavy traffic on the freeway yesterday we were at a dead stop in construction.  The third car in front of us didn’t start moving when everyone else did.  After a few minutes the truck in front of us tried to go around him on the right when he stopped and got out of the truck.  We started getting out because we noticed the driver wasn’t physically moving and his head was over to the side.  The truck man pounded on his hood, gave the driver the thumbs up to ask if he was okay.  The driver then started moving.  Apparently he just needed a little nap during the slowdown!!!


Is There Something Wrong With Me?

Please don’t answer that question because I already know the answer is a big fat yes.

There are things I do or say that make people look at me like a daisy just sprouted out of the top of my head.  This could be because of habits I have, things I like or don’t like or an opinion I have.  I have a few examples:

I love sleeping on the plane:  I’ve traveled a lot in my day and catching a 5 AM flight is tiring so catching some zzzz’s wherever I can is a must.  Many times I’ve buckled in, crossed my arms and immediately fallen asleep only to wake up when we touch down at our destination.  Even with my current sleeplessness problem I can still sleep on a plane.   So many of my friends think I’m crazy because they aren’t able to sleep on a plane at all.  One time I was leaving JFK and fell asleep on the tarmac and slept hard and long, I woke up and we were on the ground…….I looked at the woman next to me and she said “we’re still at JFK, you’ve been sleeping for an hour and a half”.  She was not a happy camper because apparently she did not sleep.  The good thing is I missed the entire delay.

Locked doors while I’m home:  I lock all my doors a majority of the time when I’m at home.  I think ever since the break in I’m even a bit more paranoid but I’ve always been a bit OCD about it.  I usually keep my blinds closed as well especially in the summer but that’s because I’m trying to keep the house cool.  I guess I’ve heard enough stories about someone wandering into a house even during the day.  I have enough issues I certainly don’t need to find anyone hiding in a closet or sleeping on my couch.

Corn dogs, pot pies and fair food:  If these were the only foods in the world I would starve.  Perhaps this should be the new diet I try because I just wouldn’t eat.  I even have trouble eating things that remotely resemble a pot pie such as pasties and calzones.  Yeah, yeah, I know, they’re not the same thing.  My head knows that but my stomach says ‘oh hell no’.  Fair foods which include corn dogs are not something I go wild about either.  I hear people talk about not being able to wait to get to the fair because of the food.  Gives me the trots (that’s old-time speak for….well, you know)  just thinking about it.  I go to the fair for a good ego boost, nothing but people watching on my mind.

My toilet paper supply:  A friend recently pointed out my toilet paper supply when I had my basement door open.  She was laughing because my extra shelf was plump full.  I didn’t tell her about my stash under the sink in the bathroom as I didn’t need to hear about that.  I did tell her that there’s one thing that I never want to happen and that’s run out of toilet paper.  One can work around running out of milk, bread, toothpaste, dish soap, etc. but running out of toilet paper could be completely tragic, especially if it’s while company is in the house.  I wouldn’t want it to happen to me or my company.  I can’t even imagine either of those scenarios….sometimes it’s necessary for three or more wipes, can you imagine not having enough paper for the first wipe???

I’m sure as people read this I will get notification of other things I do that cause alarm so expect a second installment of this post at some point.