Kris with a K

Thank goodness it’s midnight on a Sunday night and I hope most of my readers are sleeping because my computer just did some sort of kung fu, technical, sci fi, I have a virus crap and published a post that stated “I have”.  For those of you who read it, hopefully you made up a good story for what came after those two words, for those of you who didn’t……whew.

Here’s what I was thinking…….

I have now started to tell more and more people about my writing, including getting cards made….you can order 1000 for twelve bucks or something so why not?  I hate writing on a bar napkin, a piece of scratch paper or the back of a deposit slip.  It’s not professional and it’s hard to remember where it came from…..and let’s not even talk about the bad branding.

This means that a fairly close circle of friends now know that I have a hobby.  Most are not surprised…..some are completely shocked.

I find it hilarious when some of my friends/acquaintances ask “will you be writing about me?” or “will you be writing about this?” (meaning what’s happening right then)  I usually say no but am secretly making notes about the moment, hoping they will fit into a story somewhere.  Oddly enough, there’s more that I don’t write about than I actually do write about because I don’t want to be offensive, my family might be reading it or I just cannot put it in words.

Tonight on my way home from a night away I stopped to see a friend who owns a bar.  She asked me for some more cards because she had given them all out and one of the guys said, “oh, I saw those yesterday and was wondering what they were all about”.  Then he started asking questions, we chatted, I gave him a card and he asked “oh, do I dare read it, have you been writing about me”.  I said no, “I don’t mention names and I’m fairly general with a lot of things I write”.

After some conversation I said “oh I have to write about that” and he asked “so you won’t use my real name?” and I said “no”.  He looked and me and we started laughing and he said “oh yeah, you’ll use Kris with a K”.  Well, that was enough to last the entire night.  It was Kris with a K from then on out.  I pretended to make mental notes, I actually made notes and act like I would really tell stories about him and the chickens running around in his front yard.

Sometimes you just have to make them sweat……


Lionel Richie Concert

The other night there was a country music concert on TV that featured Lionel Richie and his music.  It was a great concert with wonderful performances.  I was a child in the 70s and 80s so I completely enjoyed it.

The funny part of the show was actually the crowd and a few of the performances.  Almost every crowd shot made me giggle or shake my head.  What’s really funny is that I received a text message from a coworker about 30 minutes into it regarding writing material.  I would like to share some of the texts we exchanged during the show.

Her: There is some prime writing material on CBS right now.  The crowd is highly entertaining.

Me: Oh yes, watching it.  Love the plastic beer glasses they all have.

Her: My hubby likes all the 50+ year old couples, women forcing their men to dance and when not dancing, snapping their fingers.

Me: Careful on the 50s, I’m almost there. 😉  Those two old blond women in the front were once the tramps on Lionel’s bus.

Her: Haha, the crowd is almost more entertaining than the songs. PS – there is no way you are even close to these crazy crowd members.

Me: You should see me at a Brett Michael’s concert!!  I’m in love with Jason Aldean.

Her: As am I!! I love the people in the crowd trying to sing along but are caught saying the wrong words.

Me: I know.  Who’s the drunk old broad with the butch haircut?  Should we know her?

Her: No idea. I laughed out loud at her though.

Me: Me too.  She had the look like……OMG, he just made eye contact with me……

Her: How about the group shot with hands in the air?

Me: Jesus grandma, put your arms down!!

Her: Your granddaughter wants her shirt back!

Me: LOL.  I just peed my pants at those two women.

Her: I was waiting for your input on those two.

Me: Love the hand gestures while they’re singing their hearts out, hands on their hearts like they can actually sing.  Oh good, the Joker…..I mean Kenny Rogers is coming on.

Her: There should be a legal limit on when you are no longer able to dye your hair platinum blonde. Anything over 30, maybe even 25 should be outlawed.  Did you see the lady wearing the sparkliest outfit of the night.  The place will go wild for those two.

Me: Oh yes, the platinum blonde, over tanned look… get old for that real quick. Kenny’s had a bit too much plastic surgery, it’s a wonder he can still sing.  I think he played in Batman.

Her:  I love the overhead clap.  Clap your hands in front over your body like a normal person.

Me:  Is he the walking dead?  Did he have a mortician do his makeup?

Her:  Yes, I believe so.  This is painful.  The close ups are even worse.  I had to turn away, it’s too painful.

Me: Really? You’re too old to do hip movements like that lady.

Her: I have no words for this final performance.  Rich’s pants in his sparkly cowboy boots?!

Me: And Big is pittin’ out really bad on his leather vest.

Her: And his pelvic thrusting is uncalled for.

Me: I was just trying to forget that.

Her: The dangers of staying in on a Friday night.

This is proof of why you should surround yourself with funny people.

Funny Findings

I have to share these two thoughts before I forget them.

Yesterday and today I’ve been attempting to finish up taxes.  I’ve also been attempting to help Idaho find a new place to live…, not here, in Idaho.  I do the computer searches, he obviously does the legwork.  I found two things I’d like to share while working on these ventures.

First I will get my rant out of the way.   State IRS offices are in operation from 8:00 to 4:30 for both Minnesota and Wisconsin.  Really?  You’ve got to be dry humpin’ me!  It’s April 12th and you’re only open from 8:00 to 4:30??  Hey, some of us have jobs and don’t have the ability to hold for 30 minutes during work hours!!!  Unreal, I’m paying enough myself in penalties this year, no, not because I make too much, there should be enough to pay for some extra hours now that we’re down to the wire.

Enough of that, I would rather be drug naked over broken glass than deal with the IRS.

This second item almost made me pee my pants while I was looking for an apartment for Idaho.  I have to open the links to see exactly what they are and I came across this:

“for rent or sale the trailer is in (city) off simplot blve. trailer #50 has porch small fents yard”

I copied it right from the ad, I only removed the city.

Well, let me pick up the phone immediately and call you to see if I can look at the place.  You have painted such a vivid picture of it that I can see paradise in my mind.  I can also picture the landlord and what a treat that relationship would be.  I’m not sure what a ‘small fents yard’ is but I’m so curious I can’t stand it.  I hate to make assumptions but my guess is that we don’t have an English major on our hands.  I should give the number to Idaho just so he can go look at it and talk to this person… mean would that be?

The First 99

Wow, my 100th post.  As I’ve said before, I love milestones and this one is a good one.  When I first started this blog, I wasn’t sure I’d have 100 things to say.  Well, seems I did and I haven’t run out yet.  Too bad for all of you.  🙂

I took a look at my stats, listened to feedback and read through comments to see what kind of journey this has been.  Here’s a few things I’ve taken you through:

Your comments are much appreciated and here are some of my favorites from the first 99:

“Seriously I feel like I just did 50 sit ups. I was laughing so hard I got in an ab workout. Thanks Peg! Keep these stories coming and we’ll all have abs of steel!-I want to kill my neighbor – BA HA HA HA” – In response to The Lawnmower

“Hey I’m a dyslexic sign guy who doesn’t use spell check. Leave my fellow brethren alone. – In response to Funny Signs

“My most unfavorite wardrobe malfunction is a complete boob slip from a bathing suit. That’s right, not just a nipple, but a complete BOOB!  I thought I was Bo Derek rising up out of the water, until something was not quite right.  So there. At least you were still somewhat covered.” – In response to Exposed Behind

“BAHAHAHA! I LOVE the “Older women have no modesty” part… I almost peed!” – In response to At The Gym

“I didn’t even know a woman could get a groin pull… ouch!  BTW, I once entered my company’s tournament… and came in last. It was a sort of groin pull too, I guess.” – In response to Golf Outing

“I have always been of the opinion that exercise is dangerous to the health. Now I see it is also embarrassing. Thank God I rarely do it!” – In response to Another’s Gym Story

“This is insane. Props to you for not only surviving this crazy Idiot’s break-in but clearly owning him!” – In response to The Intruder

“I think something is wrong with my computer. It looks like the I’m the first to both like and comment on this hilarious post. Something’s definitely wrong…” – In response to I’m Jealous of My Dog

Keep reading, leaving comments, liking and most importantly, keep laughing.  Here’s to another 99!